Hi, Im new.

jhs-
I agree--sometimes we have to lighten things up. Oh, and btw, the feminine form of "jerk" is "jerkette"...feel free to mess around with the spelling...;)

I sometimes hate myself. Oh, not really, of course, but I got a dose of "devious" last night chatting with a friend who's going through a messy divorce. His wife's lawyer is a real jerk (or whatever the feminine word for that is); being told by the Sheriff not to yell at him at the courthouse, filing silly expensive to deal with motions that get thrown out, etc. Typical, stereotype greedy lawyer with no common sense. (This site's spaznskitz  proves not all are like that, of course.)

Anyway, he got tired of it one day and ordered a subscription to a porn magazine to be delivered to his wife's lawyer's office. Just a hint of his displeasure with her (the lawyer, that is). My side hurt after he related the story. You must admit the man does have imagination.

Then I read your story here, about your STBX telling lies about what's happening and why you are getting a divorce. Made me think...

How about you order engraved invitations to his court appearance and send them to everyone he's lied to? You know, like wedding invitation? Maybe list the charges and the dates of the offenses, and say how much you are sure he'd want them to be there so they can see what an idiot you are. Or so they can see with their own eyes how great a husband you are divorcing. You get the idea.

Like I said, sometimes I hate myself. Another crazy idea that brought a smile to my face when I thought of it. Hope it does the same for you; way too much seriousness here sometimes.

And, no, I'm not seriously suggesting you do it! Or maybe???...Nahhh.

Take care, and be safe! I assume he has bullets for that gun...scary.

I think that right now, you are much safer being away from him. It shouldn't matter what others say or think about why you and him split up. Just as long as you got out of there safely. Taking one step at a time  and knowing that time is what it will take to help you heal all that you have gone through. We are here for you at divorce360. I wish you all the best

Hi! I know that it probably gets annoying hearing that it will get better from everyone. I hated that phrase. I knew my family was just trying to keep my chin up and help me out, but the words got annoying after a while. The thing is, it actually has gotten better for me. It has been a long haul, and some days, it has seemed like the ol' "one step forward, two steps back" routine. My ex was abusive to me, too. Although, i must say, your STBX sounds much worse...

He's an abuser, and that's what they do. He's going to blacklist you to all his friends and family. Get prepared for that, but don't let it get to you too bad. Or at least don't let on that it bothers you. You are strong and there's an old saying that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. You left. That right there shows how strong you are. Leaving is one of the hardest parts. Staying gone is almost as hard. If you can do those two things, you'll be able to handle whatever he or his attorney or his family and friends dish out at you.

This site is a wonderful tool. You'll find many people who are or have been in your shoes. Bear in mind that they have come through it. You will too.

Feel free to vent whenever you're having a bad day, or ask questions when you're not sure about how to handle something. That's what we're here for. So, welcome!!

sorry mistake in my last post....he would threated to shoot himself if I wasnt quiet...it sounded like i would shoot him and i would def never do that!

Sure, we were married on March 1 of this year. He was my childhood best friend. He treated me like a queen and was so perfect. But once we got married he changed. It started a week after we were married. He didnt believe me when I was sick (said I made it up to get out of doing something). He'd say really mean things to me to hurt my feelings and say that he wouldnt say those things if I just left him alone. I had to beg him to just look at me and listen to me and tell him he was hurting my feelings. I would beg him to just hug me and he would refuse and when I would cry he would tell me he hated the way my voice sounded when I cried that I was disgusting and childish and he wished we would have never gotten married. It escillated to violence shortly after. If I wouldnt do what he wanted he would threaten our pets and me with physical violence and threaten me with divorce if I ever did anything he didnt like. He would take dinner away from me the second I said anything that made him mad. When I wouldnt be quiet he would choke me until I almost passed out or threated to shot him (with the gun to his head) if I didnt. I endured stuff like this for 4 months, until I couldnt take it any longer and I called the police. He is faceing felony charges of battery, obstruction of justice, and false imprisionment and there is an no contact warrant so we are not allowed to communicate or see each other until his court date which could be up to a year away. He has lied to everyone about why we split and made it seem like it was all my fault and people are believeing him. My inlaws have disowned me already and do not believe me when I told them about the abuse. He said he was getting help but then then told my mom that him and his counselor hadnt talked about the abuse or control at all. He gave up on waiting for me and a couple of weeks ago got a girlfriend. I served him with papers yesterday, but he is telling everyone that I just up and left him for no reason. Frustrating!

welcome. can you tell us a bit more about what is happening?