Help

Someow I missed this post earlier....sorry for that.....
As for me, a BIG part of me wanted my stbxh back....I could not rationalize it in my head at all, after all he did. Now I can  8 mos. into this.
I felt that way out of fear, fear of maybe being alone the rest of my life, fear of being disabled, fear of having to run my own finances ( he had done that for 30 years). Just fear of the unknown basically....
But now, I am looking forward to all the things I no longer HAVE to put up with....the lies, the cheating, the control of $$$, the control of everything!
You will figure this all out, I know its scarey, and I understand exactly where you are coming from....Just have a little bit of faith in yourself, and Blue had some awsome points!!!!
Were here for you sweetie!
Terri

i am sorry for your pain, you sound like a sweet person. you took the time to try to help me. be strong ( as i wish to be) snd hope the hurt goes away.

Okay...firtst of all he is a shitty father.  He has been inconsistent with seeing his daughters, sometines just blowing them off.  Am I right???  What kind of role model is that for the girls???  Do you want them to be in a relationship like yours.   ???????  NO..YOU DON'T.

You are stromg and deserve to be treated with respect and not be used.  You have more self respect and will show that to your daughters.  This is bullshit....he's an ass!!  He's mean and selfish and an addict.  your girls deserve better and so do you.

stay on track...you will get over your feelings....

sorry 4girls..his behavior just pisses me off..

Blue, that is such great advice I'm going to do it myself. I think we all have those moments of weakness because we all like to remember the good times we had with this person instead of the bad and when we love that person, it  just makes it even so much harder , but remember what it was that got you to the point you are at now and write that list will help...... Stay strong and good luck....

I know that feeling...your head tells you that the past will repeat itself if you take him back, but your heart is betraying you because you still love him and you want, so desperately, to believe that if you give him another chance, somehow it will be different.  You know it won't, so therein lies the conflict.

I'm going to give you this piece of advice.  Write down on a piece of paper every bad thing he's ever done to you.  Put the worst things at the top and keep the list close.  Whever you feel yourself missing him or wanting him back, causing you to doubt what you know is true, then pull out the list and read it.  It will help clarify things and reduce your confusion...steel your resolve.

There are going to be good days and bad days throughout this entire process.  It's natural...your marriage is in its death throes and you are grieving and confused.  Like any other death, you need to deal with it in your own way.  As to the anxiety and racing mind issues, try to do things to keep your mind off it.  Try to make them not so mentally engaging...go to the gym and work out, watch a movie, go out with a friend.  Stay busy.  I'm soo sorry you're having a bad day.  It will get better as time goes by, and you will be less confused.  I promise.  Stay strong and we're here for you if you need us!!!

I know how it feels to want your ex back, no matter what he has done to you, however, there comes a point in life where you just have to stand up and do what you know is right. Right now, you are doing ok without him.  If he comes back home, you may be setting yourself back up for a repeat performance of his past actions.  Please try and take time to think this through. You can find a new hobby or something else to take your mind off of wanting him to come back home.  You must be strong, even though it sometimes seems impossible.