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Ok, let's try to get to all of your questions here....first thing I suggest is that you start interviewing attorneys, go for free consultation and find one that you are comfortable with - especially since you know you are going to have a custody argument on your hands. I'm sure she has already done this as she has been planning her departure for a while. Click on the tab on this site labeled "Beginning" there are a lot of resources there for you. Including checklists...Unfortunately, your 15 year old does not have a say in where he lives. There is only one state that has laws on the books about a child's voice, and it isn't Utah. The judge may choose to hear what he has to say, but it is their discretion, and most choose to keep children out of it, and rely on parental deposition/examination and any professionals that are brought in. If she has been the kids' primary caretaker all this time, the court may choose not to change that. (status quo) Hence, why I highly suggest you don't try to do this on your own but hire a competent attorney.
If I were your attorney, I'd hire a private detective to watch her for a while to see what is going on. Your evidence might be enough, but it depends onthe judge you are in front of - as far as contraceptives, you can't prove they weren't for use with you so that "evidence" means nothing. Texting and myspace seem off, but it can be spun as friends - you need evidence of physical meetings.
If her name is on the lease she has a right to stay there until a judge orders one or the other of you out - that is something you two are going to have to work out.
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