What is the importance of father once the kids are over 8?

The importance of a father for a child past 8 is still very important. Children need their fathers. I understand that you are living in a place that you don't like and I wonder if there is anywhere else near to their area that you could relocate to see if you like it better.  If that doesn't work, perhaps in your divorce agreement, there are provisions for a longer visitation time if you live farther away.  If you were to move farther away, I would think that more than one phone call a week would be necessary to let them know that you care about them and are interested in what's going on in their lives. I am sorry that she was able to just up and move away without your knowledge...that doesn't seem right on her part at all. If there are no provisions stating in your divorce for more visitation time, maybe you can ask your attorney why there weren't any provisions made in case she did decide to leave.

I'm sorry the courts don't see things your way.  It sounds to me that you're letting your problems with your ex bleed through to your custody issues.  But if you move away and the visitations are even less than what they are now, the court will continue that trend, and you'll see even less of them now, which will just feed the negative feelings that you have to the whole thing.

I'm not saying you don't have a right to feel like life keeps kicking you in the nuts...it does and it is.  This isn't just about you and your ex, this is about your girls.  Yes, the bf/step dad, whatever he is, can take over your duties.  He can be their bestest friend in the whole wide world...but he won't be their dad...that distinction belongs to you...unless you CHOOSE to give it up.  Is it worth fighting this battle that nobody seems to appreciate?  The girls seem to care more about their friends than you, your wife doesn't seem to care what the hell you think, and who knows what the bf/ stepdad thinks.  I can see why you're disheartened now.  But what about 10 - 15 years from now?  One day, your girls will grow up.  They'll have questions for you then.  What will those questions be?

You quit now, your wife definately gets to re-write history for them.  One day, they'll be old enough to make their own decisions about who they want to spend their time with.  One day, they will understand the complexities of what life entails.  One day, they will question your ex's version of history and want to hear yours.  What will you tell them on that day?  Think about that when you see red about what your ex is doing and want to just quit and let the step dad take over.  Don't let your temper lead you to do something you will regret for a long, long time.

Another two cents for the pot.

You kids need you. They will always need you, if they are 80 or 8. I know this sucks, but it is important for them to see you as much as possible. Just a phone call is *not* ok. Maybe they seem to need you less because you aren't around enough.

Soon they will be in college then adults. Then you're off the hook. But you are their father and you signed up for the long haul, or you should have. Unfortunately thier mother isn't thinking of what's best for them (to have their father in their lives) but you have to, and as uncomfortable as it is, you have to be there. A phone call is not a realtionship.

I appreciate all of the comments, well said and smart. This is a definite conflict for me, and overlaps into other divorce issues. Comments made about requesting more time with them; I've done that, and lost to the tune of 3-5k dollars in atty and court fees. The reason? Continuity for the kids. The longer they are with Mom and in a routine, the less likely the court is going to disrupt that. And I got one of those wonderful 80/20 Calif. arrangements. That was because we lived in Bay Area and she retreated to SoCal with family. I couldn't just quit my job and relocate at that time ( alimony/child-support). She doesn't want me to have more time with them because it changes the support amounts, and she and BF are very happy with the living wage I send them every month.

I will be the first to admit going through periods of time when I am childish, selfish - I just don't care anymore type of feelings. so what? Step-dad is a nice guy, he can be there for them.

I'm kind of in agreement with Marie here, it sounds like you want to be "let off the hook" here by justifying your move and limiting your contact with your children by saying they "don't need" you anymore.  I don't believe that.  Your children will always need you in their lives, whether they realize it at the time or not...and if you decide to only go with the occasional phone call, they will likely resent you later for it...they probably will feel that something happened that you don't love them anymore...probably think it was something they did.  Don't do that to them.

However, staying in a place that makes you miserable just to be close to them might not be the best solution either.  I would think long and hard about what other solutions you can come up with other than the occasional phone call.  It sounds to me that you need to adjust your custody agreement to arrange more visitation.  I don't think she did the right thing by taking the kids and moving out of state without your knowledge or approval...if you had gone to the courts with that (assuming you have a formal custody arrangement), she could have gotten in big trouble for that (IMHO...I'm not a family law attorney), had you chosen to pursue it.  But, now that you are in a different state, you need to look at the laws there to see if you can move out of state and still make arrangements for the girls to come visit you where you would be more happier.  Also, you might want to invest in a web-cam for their computers and yours...that way, you can still see them and not just talk to them on the phone.

They will need you in their lives, regardless if you choose to live 60 miles or 600 miles from them.  Do whatever you can to make that happen.  I know you love them...just make sure you never stop loving them and do not give up on them now.  Just my two cents.  Good luck in whatever you decide.

Your kids need you to be a part of their lives. Take it from a widow with 4 kids. They miss that . If that is all you see your kids then get an attorney to try to get more visits with them. Who knows what she is telling your kids..maybe that you don't want to be with them?
Phone calls are not enough. They need you to be there as much as possible.
Don't give up on your kids...
Maybe you should also attempt to show the courts that it is not good for them to be kept moving around as they are. Is she living with her bf? That could be a huge no-no also!
Your moving closer to them is a huge plus in the eyes of the court. It shows you want to be a part of their lives...

imo, a father teaches his daughters how to be treated by another man.  You don't to this contiously, but really, they look up to you and look at you as an example.  My parents divorced when I was 9.  I definitly needed more than a phone call from my dad.  I wanted to spend more time with my friends, but glad my dad stuck through all of that and he doesn't regret a thing.  We have a good relationship because of it. 

That being said, you do what you have to do for yourself, but your kids still need you.

Hi Epictetus14-

What you have done is honorable, and I think you should be proud of your connection and commitment to your children. This has really got to be a dilema!

Bottom line, just like in any relationship, you have to be a whole person before you can be a partner, father, etc. Having said that, YOU shouldn't live in a place you don't care for - one that doesn't please you and make you whole.

If you live 60 miles away from your children, which isn't exactly close, the moral question is - do you believe proximinity is the same as true connection? Are you worrying that if you move away you are doing something that is morally wrong? It doesn't sound like you're "abandoning" your children - that you have made conscious and thoughtful decisions and you still need to be a complete and happy person or really - what good are you? - so to say. :-) So many of us have lived with divorces and family being hundreds or thousands of miles away. It's not a first choice, but it is reality. Making sure family members feel cared about and do get good quality time with you is key.

I mean this in a kind way, just a segment for you to consider... The way you are framing this almost sounds like you want to be "let off the hook" because the girls are of a certain age? I don't think it's healthy to position your decision on your belief that they don't need you in the same way they did when they were younger. You're a parent. Just be a great person and parent and if that means you want to move, then do what you need. 

I don't think this is about the girls age or what their current needs are - they will always need you in one capacity or another as long as you live - this is about you giving yourself permission to be full and complete. Can you do that?

It's a big decision, but I'm sure you'll do the right thing for you. 

... just another person's opinion.