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I found out that my husband was "courting" another woman and sharing with her our marital "issues." I believe it has been an emotional infidelity not psychical, but still not acceptable in the marriage by either of our now so-called standards. After I confronted him (and her) he sent an email to his whole family: kids, parents, brother stating that he and I were never soulmates, but this new person is a soulmate. Also, that his first wife was a soulmate, but the marriage still fell apart. He's saying he made a mistake with the other person and for writing the email to the family. He wants to go to counseling and repair the marriage.
What am I doing with someone that doesn't consider me to me a soulmate? Is this essential to a "normal" marriage?
So we go to therapy and the therapist says I have to take 50% responsibility for the infidelity and that he should be able to continue his "special friendship." Otherwise he would feel that I have veto power over any friend he may want and that doesn't work. I understand I have responsibility for the issues in the marriage, but ding dong made a unilateral decision to chase another woman. I had nothing to do with that. So anyway, after several weeks he says he will sever his "special friendship" (@&#%#!) (Well, thank you martyr.) The next day I look in the history column on his computer and he was looking at cards under the "miss you" category. Well, I flipped and confronted him on the phone. He said he was just looking for a card to say Hi to her since he hadn't talked to her in a few days. I got so mad I locked the doors in the house and threw some of his clothing out onto the driveway. He came home saying he didn't do anything (of course), he wasn't leaving his house and he called the police!
The police came, spent under 5 minutes talking with me before they slapped handcuffs on me and threw me in jail. Ok, I have never been arrested, I don't even have a ticket on my license - I AM NOT A CRIMINAL. There was no violence, no cursing, no alcohol, no drugs - just clothes lying in the driveway. So I spend the worst night of my life staring at a jail wall, crying every drop of fluid out of my body and trying to understand what I was doing there.
He, of course, is oh-so-sorry, that we should put that behind us and move forward building back our love and marriage.
Are those of us that have been damaged (in childhood)limitless in what we will accept?
Am I the biggest dummy on the planet? Uggh.
Thanks 2much42long. I appreciate your input and I'm sorry that you aren't experiencing a true happy and enjoyable marriage. If I may ask, why are you waiting to separate/divorce this person?
I have never had a problem with him having other female friends, which he does have and I encourage... however this new one was hidden from me - not out in the open. I'm I've the mindset that if you have to hide something from the marriage perhaps you shouldn't be doing it in the first place. He has admitted that he is psychically attracted to her but that he can now keep that under wraps and not act on it. Great. After I found out about this "special friendship," the other woman also told me that she had told him multiple times that she is uncomfortable with where the "friendship" was going. So clearly he was overstepping a boundary.Over that last couple of weeks I suppose I'm getting clearer that a divorce is imminent. I feel like a booby prize. I guess I thought the marriage was better than he did. Thanks for listening.
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