Help me comprehend.. please..confused

Wow. I could have been your husband. No, I was your husband (except for the DUMB Bit** part). All I can do is tell you what was going on with me during that time. May be the same with him, may not.

We weren't happy together, little joy, "connection", and real communication. And I don't think either of us loved the other in a husband/wife sort of way, but we did "love" each other in the sense that we really cared. We were more like roommates that slept in the same bed and did everything together. But we were enough "at peace" to keep going.

Long story short, living together got less and less "peaceful". To the point that she said she wanted out, and I finally agreed. All the while, we'd still "spoon" most every morning before getting up. Probably the best connection we had.

While I realized we couldn't stay together as a married couple, I still care. I still feel like I should be a close friend that can give comfort and solace. When she's hurting, which is quite often right now, I still want to put my arms around her and comfort her and tell her we'll get through this and end up happier than we were together.

Like you, though, that's the last thing she wants. Whether due to anger, real repulsion, or what, I don't know. But I don't even try anymore. Just stand there with my hands in my pockets wishing there was something (realistic) I could do to make her feel better. But there isn't.

I wonder if your husband feels somewhat the way I do? It would explain much of his actions that you wrote about here. I don't think it's a bad thing, but if it gives you hope for the marriage, it's probably false hope as you said.

Are you getting any counseling? It might help you better deal with your situation.

Take care, and good luck. Have a virtual HUG or two from someone you're not in love with. They help.

And I like henry's response as well.

Stay strong keep the faith in god and it will eventually turn out best for you. I stayed to long in my marrige and the thing i think that kept me there was i knew i wasn't happy but the confort of having someone around. Then i finally made the decision to leave. I know it hurts like hell but god has more in store for you.