Is my wife cheating on me?

Do the dirty? Do the deed? Seriously?

The way you approach your wife she might as well be a blow up doll.

Where on earth did you get the incredibly stupid idea that climbing on top of her and pounding her like a jackhammer (???) was remotely what you should be doing or that she'd like it?

You have real problems with sex. My guess? She's NEVER had an orgasm with you. It's clear from your response that the only thing you worry about is getting yourself off. You could care less about any other part of her body.

Now she's had the temerity to speak up and say, wait a minute, I am sick to death of you getting your rocks off and treating me like a place for your dick. I'd like for you to notice me AS A REAL PERSON. I'd like for you to at least TRY to please me. I'm not even asking for what I'd like, which would include a lot of attention to all the parts of my body, I just asked for a change in postion and you freaked out.

Did she ask you to wash her feet, massage them and suck her toes? No, but that would be wonderful. Did she ask you to kiss the inside part of her elbow and gently kiss up and down her arms? No, but this would tell her you at least notice that she has parts other than the place you put your dick.

Get a grip, man. After 5 years of marriage it's time for you to learn something about a woman's body. As for her, if she were my girlfriend I'd help her file for divorce. No one deserves to be treated like a piece of meat in their marriage.

(continued...)

Sorry, it cut me off.

... by your attentions. 

Be open minded.  Allow yourself to explore new ideas and techniques.  You might find you enjoy it together.

If you want to chat, I am here.
Best -
Lisa

HI Rod -

I am a relationship counselor and divorce coach here on D360. 

I feel for you and your pain.  You have responded to your wife's need to own her power in your relationship with fear and insecurity.  There is nothing wrong with partners exploring their own sexuality within a committed relationship. 

I applaud your wife for having the strength to try new things with you.  She may not have done so before because of this very reaction that you have had.  Women have needs and desires in the sexual arena as well as men.  They love sex as much as men do and want to experience the joy and satisfaction of different types of sexual activity. 

Rather than responding with fear and insecurity I would suggest that you try responding with warmth and appreciation.  You have been married for 5 years.  Being a "jackhammer" may be a compliment in your eyes, but it seems that you have created a pattern of lovemaking that doesn't include variety or change. 

Change can be frightening, especially in the bedroom, but it is necessary for partners to keep from becoming bored with one another. 
Be open minded and try some new activities.  There is a website called the Sinclair Institute that sells sexual education videos for adults. 

Here is the link for one of their better instructional videos    http://www.bettersex.com/Adult-Sex-Education/movie-collections/sp-couples-guide-to-great-sex-over-40-set-1566.aspx

These videos are tasteful step by step instruction that you and your wife might like to watch together, then try what appeals to you.  There are no rules in a marriage.  Whatever appeals to both parties is acceptable behavior.

Don't assume the worst.  There seems to be no real reason for your fears and insecurities.  Give variety a try.  You might be surprised at how much you both enjoy it together. She will feel honored and appreciated b

First of all, do the dirty? I hope you don't really think that sex in marriage is dirty. It's beautiful. You are always on top? How boring. You need to take some time to ask her what she wants. She's your wife. You should be making love. You aren't making love to her. You're relieving your sexual tension. Talk to her. Explore each other's bodies. What you're doing sounds boring, unfulfilling, like some kind of chore. You should be glad she's trying with you instead of walking away.

Since you sound like you have not a whit of imagination, try the following: take her out to a nice dinner. Have a dozen roses waiting for her when she gets home. Take a shower together. Spend a lot of time soaping each other's bodies, exploring every part. Carefully dry each other off and kiss her all over her body as you do. Spend the rest of the evening exploring every part of her to find out which parts she likes having touched. Don't have sex. Do that after you've spent several evenings exploring her body. Try different positions. That's making love.

Perhaps it's like shopping. She loves shopping at Burdines, but all of a sudden she had a sudden urge to shop at Victoria's Secret or Frederick's of Hollywood. I would go with it; you might like her spicier boutique!

Rod, I hate to state the obvious, but why not ask her why she wanted to change positions and gage her answers. Come right out and ask her if she's considered cheating and assess her answers calmly. I know it must be hard to face the fact that she might say yes, however if so don't you want to know?? Then you're in control, either you can work to repair the damage or not, it's your choice and you've been mature and responsible. You're the good guy. If she hasn't she'll respect your honesty and concern. It's never good to worry and wonder.

I do not think she is having an affair. You need to be a little more secure in your relationship and with your sex life. You should be thrilled that after five years she is wanting to try new things. Let her be in control every once in awhile. Girls talk.... and talk about new fun things. Enjoy!!!!

Rod, it's probably 50/50 at this point if she is or has committed audultry on you. Try and sense if "doing the dirty deed" next time feels different than it use to. That would probably give you an indicator if she has or not! Go with your gut feeling, it's normally right!

Rod, I hate to raise your blood pressure, but I think you have good reason to be concerned. After five years of marriage, my ex-wife decided that she wanted to spice up our sex life. It started out small - just like with your wife. But then, she got wilder and wilder. Soon I found out that an old boyfriend and here were having an affair. We were divorced within 6 months of her trying to introduce new positions. Watch out my friend!!

I agree with gomundo2. Are there any other signs? She could have been talking to a girlfriend(s) and might have talked about being on top,and how much she liked it,or the guy did. I would suggest to her that the 2 of you get a book or something and discover new positions together and see how she reacts. Hope this helps.

gomundo2, A movie!...OH MY GOD! I had not even though of that. ! Do you think her and her new boyfriend watch those kind of movies while I'm at the office? I really can't stop thinking about this. I'm so upset she may be cheating on me. Rod

that is quite a leap rod, maybe she saw it in a movie, and thought she would try something new. I say go with it variety is the spice of life!