complicated

OK so here's the deal.  I am seperated - my husband and I are waiting to file for divorce until we can afford it but we are friends who decided divorce was right for us.   We have both moved on.  He has a girlfriend who I am now friends with and I am desperately in love with another man.  Problem is, this other man is also technically married.  He has been living away from his wife for 3 years now.  They, like us had never gone through the legality of getting divorced.  He loves me.  He has dated in the past 3 years but nothing serious until me.  The wife (who is supposudly a lesbian) 'found out' about me and is now doing everything in her power to make his life difficult.  The biggest thing she is doing is using his children against him.  He is a wonderful father and she knows that they are his weakness.  From what I gather, she isn't exactly mother of the year, but obviously, I am biased so I won't go there.  She has basically told him that if I am around the kids AT ALL he will never see them again.  Can she do that?  She says it's for the safety of the children but she knows nothing about me and has nothing to base thinking they would be unsafe around me.  I have a child of my own.  I am a good mother and I a m a good person.  She is trying to get my name from him to do background checks on me but he won't give it to her.  This woman seems to be very jealous of the fact that he has fallen in love again.  I don't have anything to hide and part of me wants him to just give her my name so she can see that.  But again - she has a streak of evil in her and I don't want her digging into my life.  I am losing my mind here.  What can this woman do legally to keep me away?