What does seperation really mean????

maybe he wants to be separated so he can go out and do as he pleases but doesn't want to spend the money for a divorce and have to divide up all the assets.

I do understand your confusion.  I had the same situation.  He told me and the kids he was not ready for a divorce, and then he moved out. He told the kids we were getting a divorce without me present.  They are 15 and 12 and they kept asking him.  He told me he had to tell them the truth.

If he still cares about you as a person he is just leading you slowly to divorce and is afraid to hurt you more than he has.  If he is a cruel person who just wants to do it his way you do have to be strong and tell him you are ready to get paperwork started for a divorce.  That might scare him to wondering what the hell he is doing.  I did do that with my husband and he has become much nicer because I think that panicked him. 

The problem is now we are in limbo land with him in an apartment and acting single.  Try to pretend that you are single.  Take your ring off.  Show him that you are happy. Spend time with friends.  If you still want to be married then this may lead him back.  If not try to move forward and file the papers.

Take care and hang in there.

Would you like to hear cruel. I told you, my husband was asked to leave home temporarily. When I asked him to come home for the sake of the kids, he told me he was getting his own place and that was a month ago. Truth is he took the place and they are now living together. Being that my sons don't see their dad and want to know if he's alive, they often visit his page at myspace. because that is where they knew he hung out with her. That wasn't my doing that was his. My husband has very little contact with his kids now that she is in his life. He has vistied them and called them a sum total of less than one hour since he left. I'm fed up with trying to build him up to his boys and i've stopped making excuses as to why he will not keep in touch with them. Even if he hates me, his kids should count in someway with him. She has become the center of his universe. The kids are in counseling. Against my advice, my 8 year old went to his myspace page and got the message that his dad is now in love with the other woman. He ddn't have the guts to tell him to his face. He knows his sons go there to see if he is alive or dead. Wow, I wish someone else were there dad, but would never say that to them. Nobody needs to hear bad things about thier parents and that is not my style. This is the hardest thing I've ever done, trying to remain chipper in front of my kids when inside i'm dying.

Hope you will take this advice. Let him go, if he wanted to be married, there would be no mixed signals, you and everyone else would read him loud and clear. Save your pride and stop being a part of his head games. Wish I had listened to my instincts and not his lies long ago.

The rules are whatever you want them to be.  It's even possible to be separated and living in the same residence.  I would follow the link provided by mtnvly as a good guide for the separation.  I too am a bit confused by why he wants a separation vs. a divorce if he isn't willing to work on the marriage.  Is it about the fiscal or insurance end of things?  Perhaps he still wants to be able to claim you and your daughter as dependents?  Maybe he's just plain lazy and doesn't want to go through all the paperwork and hassle of a divorce?

It sounds to me like he wants his cake and eat it too.  He wants to be able to live the single life and be a husband and father when it's convenient for him.  While you can't change him or his mind or intentions, you do have control over how you react to this.  You don't have to choose to cooperate in this and insist on a divorce, if that's the way he wants to play it.  Or, if you do agree to a separation, you can make up the rules in the separation agreement that you want in there...if there's too much disagreement on that end, then you may as well file for divorce...he doesn't have to agree or disagree to that...he just gets served papers and has to deal with it from there.

I would check the divorce laws in your state (upper right corner) and consult an attorney in your area.  Do your research and don't let him talk you into anything you don't really want to do in this separation.  I wish you luck in all this, and I'm sorry you're going through it.  If you need to vent, we're here for you.

http://docs.google.com/View?docid=dc876ktm_9d4mq6f2s

Here is the document.

Separation~ you l