Twice Burned

Well that's the trick isn't it? It takes both of you to hold it together. If he won't commit and you won't trust, what's left? It's a decision between you and your husband. Either it's true repentance and forgiveness or it's nothing. That's the crux, that's marriage: all or nothing.

Right now we're barely talking and I can't seem to get past this incredible anger. He says once I "calm down" he'll explain everything. But what is there is explain??? He sought another instead of his wife or professional help--he says nothing "happened"--my point is something DID. Just talking to her instead of me violated what fragile trust I have. I had even asked him if something was going on and he lied and said no, just that "He's not happy. How am I supposed to ever believe him again????

Robert Boyd is right on. I am also a firm believer in making it work as much as you can, but boh parties need to be committed. It does not sound like your husband is commited to this marriage. He needs counseling to help him recommit to his family.

That's up to your husband. If he's not responsible enough to commit, how can he expect you to continue to forgive him? What's it tell you kids about cheating? That it's ok? I'm a firm believer in marriage, but both parties have to take it seriously or it won't work. And you need to be able to trust him, otherwise it puts serious strain on you and you can't be as good a wife and mother, because you're efforts are focused on whether he's cheating or not. A marriage should be 2 people supporting each other to be the best they can be. That doesn't sound like what's happening for you.