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I posted my situation on here a couple of weeks ago. Previous Post
I told her Sunday how I felt and the bombshell was dropped. we got some issues out on the table, but didn't get anywhere with them.
We are starting counseling and I told her that I will give an honest effort at it. She didn't seem to believe me , but thats on her. I will give an honest effort, but I'm also going to be honest to myself. i'm not going to settle in the relationship without being happy.
Today was one of those days where you just want to stay in bed ALONE. I feel like i just want to disappear for a while to think.
I'm the happiest, go lucky person you can meet, but right now, I'm absoluetly miserable. I have no self motivation, no goals, no drive. And I HATE IT!! it is driving me insane. It's like I'm living life by just going through the motions and everyday is a waste right now. And one more that I can never get back.
I've had the thoughts of wishing it was just over. Kind of like pulling off a band-aide. Rip it and deal with a more intense pain, but not for very long. Rather than a slow rip that doesn't hurt as bad but hurts for longer. Maybe this is normal. I don't know. But i honestly want it to work. I've got 8 years invested and a little girl. My wifes biggest concern that she has voiced is she doesn't want to share our girl with ANYONE!! Not even me. She didn't say that to be mean, that is just how much she loves her. I know that and I would never use our girl to get at her. Nothing good ever comes from that. But, I would rather see my girl every other weekend (or whatever) and have quality time then stay and see her everyday and be miserable. It's Quality not Quantity.
OK... thanks for letting me rant. I just have a thousand feelings and emotions going through my head and I don't know which ones are true feelings or if I'm making them up because it's the right thing to think.
So I guess I have some soul searching to do and figure out what I want and where I want to go. maybe the counseling will help sort some of that out, either way.
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