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  Posted to group - Difficult Ex's    <<Previous    Next>>

should i move in or stay where i am

Well here it goes.  I have been dating a man for about 2.5 years.  He is still currently married but they have not been together about 3 yrs.  He is in a bit of financial hardship to say the least.  I have my own place.  Logically it would make sense (money wise) to move in together.  He is at my place about 5 days out of the week.  He is behind in house payments and recently just escaped forclosure only about 5 months ago and my find himself in that same situation again.  I know that I can get out from under my place BUT do I really want to put myself in a situation with him when he isnt divorced yet.  I have thought about asking him to sell his but I dont see that happening.  I have tried to talk to him about his house or money matters to say the least and he says not right now in a little bit and then a little bit is always when it is to late.  If we decided to move in together there is his little boy.  We get along great.  It is the ex that is the difficult one.  If she knows I am going to be around she puts up a big fight or if the boy goes home and says that I was there then she is calling and fighting and it just makes a situation more difficult for when the child comes back.  Not sure what do.  Thoughts on this would be great......

by jenny72   8 Posts 
Posted on 10/7/2008 7:33 AM
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Tags: ex , legal , money


Answers for "should i move in or stay where i am"  (5) (You must be logged in to answer)




I say- RUN!  One of the big reasons I left my spouse was that I got tired of supporting him.  I made the decision to go back to school and get my degree and he got the message- "Get a JOB!"  Once he was faced with that- well, he had to get off his lazy bum and do something.  We lived in an apartment because we could not afford to buy a house.  After 15 years- isn't that sad?  Well, I left him and my kids are with him.  (I am living with my parents while I am finishing up with school.).  This last month, his parents bought him a house (buying my kids- beautiful).  I went by the apartment to pack up the rest of my stuff (I haven't been allowed in there since July) and he had an eviction notice on the door.  He didn't pay the rent for this month.  I know he's moving out- but he hasn't given 30 days notice.  OMG!  There was also a notice from one of his clients (he's a photographer) that they are taking him to small claims court because he hasn't delivered photos and albums in their contract.  This is not the first time this has happened with the clients.  That's a whole nother story. 

Anyway- I say if he's not divorced and he's about to be foreclosed on, get the heck out from under that!  It will only get worse!!!!!!!!!!!

by Dactyl   421 Posts
Posted on 10/9/2008 8:49 AM
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If you want to deal with two children and a "not ex-wife" then, yes, take him in and make it all better, or yourself crazy! For what, "Love" are you in love with him? Do you see yourself growing old with him? On the other hand, do you see a chance to have some extra cash and help him out? I am sorry that will not happen because when you put, both sets of bills together there will be nothing left. Therefore, it must be love.
Can I ask, is he taking care of business? It does not sound like it. It doesn't even sound like you can talk to this man and have any in-put without him feeling nagged, that’s why men and yes women put off talking about scary things the fear of failure can’t get it right, again!

I was once told: If you have to ask the question, it is because you do not like the correct answer! Ho, I hate that! It slaps me every time!
Why put yourself in a tight place? For heaven sakes if it all goes south for him then you are there stable willing to help. But, my God, don't give up any security you have now. What would you do if he goes down and take you with him?

by Shami   65 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2008 2:26 PM
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I hate to say this, but I agree with mtnvly; your bf doesn't sound like a "keeper", at least until he gets divorced.

Separated for 3 years, seeing someone and building a relationship for 2.5, and no divorce has been filed yet? Hummm. If what you say about his wife is correct, I suspect he finds himself unable to deal with it. Which doesn't sound like a good beginning for you two.

And what you said about the money talks, or lack thereof, seems to reinforces that perception. He sounds like the type that ignores issues that ought not to be ignored. My STBX calls that being "in denial".

Short answer...I don't think you should give up your place. If he refuses to sell his even though he's going to lose it due to foreclosure, that's his choice. You aren't responsible, and shouldn't act like you are just because he's your bf.
by jhs   531 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2008 9:31 AM
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mtnvly is right. Relationships are hard enough without stepping into so many problems that are already there. You both need to be in a better financial position before you live together.
by trisha9054   2773 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2008 8:09 AM
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I am in your shoes..if you are not attached yet then run like a bat out of hell. Your bf needs to make a move to be divorced...etc. I pushed mine to and finally he did but his ex makes me miserable.I am ready to end it just because of her and the drama she brings...
Think long and hard honey...if she is a pain now then she will be always.
You are not supposed to have the kids overnight with you if you aren't married to him...she CAN cause problems over that..been there and done that too!
If you love this guy then tell him to get things settled and then call you..you will be helping him forever if he doesn't figure it out on his own..believe me..your situation sounds like mine!
by mtnvly   2541 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2008 7:38 AM
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