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  Posted to group - Difficult Ex's    <<Previous    Next>>

Why he does this to me

Ok I really thought I was handling my marriage being over after my husband cheated on me for 15 months and then a month and a half later he moved in with his new skank that he met in a swingers chat room.

I saw him for the first time in 7 weeks on Friday and I was all right with it all I felt was sorry and pity for him for making his life what it is today.

I really was doing so good but then Saturday reality hit me hard like a ton of bricks. I realized that while I celebrated my birthday a week before alone, by myself washing my floors he was out on Saturday night celebrating his birthday with his new skank and having a good time.

He didn't even call to say happy birthday to me but felt bad because no one from his family called him.

Of course the minute he gets back on the road to go to work who does he text to say HI but the one he don't want any more the one that he left because I was so mean to him, the one he says didn't care about him, the one that never loved him. Why does he do this to me because I have no idea.

I told him to call her I told him he is happy with his new gf and her 2 kids, I told him he has everything that he says he didn't have with me.

He says he moved out of her trailer I know it is a lie he just likes to torture me It is like he is saying I have this great gf and great life and you have no one. Some one wants me and there you are all alone because no one wants you.

Needless to say I am right back to where I was 7 weeks ago. I just wish he would let me move on and stop the crap.

And he still cant be honest with me but yet I am good enough to talk to Sunday through Friday but not when he is home with her.

I just want to cry my eyes out I feel like I am on an emotianal roller coaster.

I wish I knew why he has to do this to me if he has moved on and has a new life and a new family how can I move on if he bothers me.
by tam81   65 Posts 
Posted on 10/6/2008 7:54 PM
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Answers for "Why he does this to me"  (11) (You must be logged in to answer)
I feel for you.  It's hard to let go of someone when they remain so intricately a part of your life.  Stay strong and remember 2 things:

1) We teach people how to treat us.  When you take his calls, when you respond to his texts, when you allow him to be there Sunday through Thursday and then with her, you are sending him the message that he can treat you like this and still get your time and attention.  Decide what you deserve (you deserve the best!) and don't accept any less than that.  We teach people how to treat us.

2) Hurting people hurt people.  To hurt you the way that he has, he has to really be hurting inside.  But that is not your journey.  You are not his mother, you are not his doctor, you are not his healer.  Your work is to care and heal yourself.  It's important to avoid letting hurting people into your close circle because hurting people hurt people, whether they consciously know they're doing it or not.

I wish you so much love and care!  Choose you!
by KV   190 Posts
Posted on 10/14/2008 8:33 PM
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As much as they hurt you when you see them it is very hard to let go of the love that you feel.  I have realized that I love "the old husband" the one I fell in love with which is 18 years ago.  The man he is today is someone completely different.  Still very hard to let it go.Stay strong.
by 123   762 Posts
Posted on 10/12/2008 10:30 PM
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I am right there with you and you can rattle your brain over and over and it will drive you nuts.  I spent quite a bit of time talking to an elder woman and I also did some talking to a social worker to get an honest answer.  So between all this and reality sinking through I came up with this conclusion.  People who seek to hurt you are not truly happy with their own lives.  If they were then they would be too busy and joyful to think of ways to hurt you.  Remember also that people only hurt you when you allow them too.  It is also a possibility that your ex is still not over you.   I know it is hard not to show it bothers you and believe me I know.... but try it.  Let it out to those close to you that you can trust but don't let him know it gets to you.  When he sees that it does not bother you he will lose the thrill of it and it will stop.
by Cherub   4 Posts
Posted on 10/11/2008 2:14 AM
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Thanks everyone for the good advise. I guess apart of me still loves him I wish I knew why i did but right now I don't know why with all of the hurt he has put me through this year.
I know I need to be strong and tell him enough is enough but right now I am having a hard time doing that.
He did tell me last night he was going to ask her where their relationship was going to go.
BUt he skirts around so much of why he wants talk to me at times its like he knows he made a major mistake but I do know I have trust issues with him that he thinks I can forget about what he did to me and our family.
by tam81   65 Posts
Posted on 10/8/2008 6:05 PM
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It will get easier..you can't let him get to you though. He is playing on your emotions...you have to stop him
Don't text him back. Don't talk to him at all unless it has to do with the divorce.
If her were not with her then he would talk to you other times than weekdays.
Hang in there honey. Time heals all. One step at a time...just keep moving forward> it will get better!
by mtnvly   2541 Posts
Posted on 10/7/2008 6:57 PM
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