Do you feel worthless?

I went to Susan, my new therapist today—the one who is using EFT (emotional freedom technique) and she noticed that last session I seemed detached while doing the exercise (see previous blog) .  I admitted that I felt mechanical doing it—it seemed phony to me.  Well, she didn’t give up, but she did convince me to keep trying.  She said some people, like me, can make tons of changes in their lives—which I have—but there is a core belief that keeps us stuck.   We’re the ones who had neglectful or emotionally barren childhoods and never got to feel connected as children.   No matter how many changes we make, and how far we come, there’s still that inner core feeling of worthlessness that drags us down. 

She dropped all the different points you’re supposed to touch and had me rub my heart center clockwise (my chest) and say stuff like “I deeply and completely  love and accept myself despite the fact that I feel despair about my daughter,”   or “I deeply and completely accept myself even though I still feel angry at my ex and his wife,”   or……whatever.   You get the picture.

Yes, I did feel like Al Franken as Stuart Smalley looking into the mirror and saying, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and gosh darnit people like me.”     Pretty dumb.  But I’m going to try to suspend disbelief, as my friend Kate recommends.   I did feel better when I left today.  And she seems pretty savvy about where I’m coming from.  She picked up that I still didn’t trust her, and said, “why should you trust me, you don’t know me well enough and I haven’t helped you yet.”  That was reassuring. 

She recommends doing the exercise at home if something is getting me down.  So I will try and report back to you.