How do I deal with my separated husband's girl friend?

I have a boyfriend who has a child and he is not divorced yet. His stbx forbids the child to be left alone with me.  If he has to run to the store 4 blocks away he is to take the child.  I have made it very clear to her and to the child that I do not want to replace his mom he has one.  I am his friend we hang out together and have fun.  I always say that to him.  I make sure that he eats and has clean clothes and that he is taken care of.  Otherwise it would be fast food all the time. I could never be mean to the child as he is a part of my b/fs life.  The child means alot to me.  I had pictures taken of his kids (he has a daughter to a prior relationship) last year for fathers day the stbx found out and completely flipped out.  My b/f sold her his old car and forgot the pics were in the car and she got them and destroyed them.  they currently look like a 100,000 piece puzzle.  I was so angry those pics cost $200.00.  I understand that she is hurt.  I dont expect her to like me or even talk to me for that matter but just be thankful that her stbx found someone that wants to help take care of the child and not be mean to him and that is interested in his well being. I have respect for her because she is his mom no matter what happens.  So i guess maybe stop and think what if the shoe was on the other foot.  As long as the children are happy and taken care of is it really a big deal that she is there especially now that they live together.  If you find someone remember he can come back and do the same to you.  Would you like that?

The one thing that you need to understand, unless she was the cause of the divorce, she is just an innocent bystander.  Frankly, I did try to be friends with my ex's girlfriend, even though she had an affair with my husband. 

She has nothing really to do with my children when they visit.  The littles know that their father moved in with her on the night he left, she picked him up at our home.  Her teenagers watch them when the ex and her are out or the ex is working.  My ex cooks their dinner because they won't eat anything she makes.  They say she can't cook or she makes "gross" stuff. 

If this woman takes care of the children, be grateful.  If the children come home with clean cloths, count your blessings.  If they aren't filthy when they walk in the door, sing praises.  If you aren't missing 1/2 their clothes, socks, or under pants, send her a thank you card.  I would give my right arm for mine to come home in the same condition as when they left my home.  And not have to buy new socks and underwear every other month.  (I get them back of course, about 6 months after they have grown out of them.)  

I understand how you feel, believe me I do, but it isn't going to change anything and if you try take it to court, unless the kids have seen something, it will cause more problems than it's worth and you may loose.

Hershey you can add the clause to the divorce for overnight visits.  However, keep in mind that this goes both ways.
Do you not like this woman? or is it because she is the girlfriend?  I disagree with Paula in thinking of this woman as a hired help or a paid nanny.  She is not, she is the woman who takes care of your children, you probably feeds them, who will be tucking them in to bed at night, who will read them bedtime stories, etc.

I have a boyfriend with 2 kids and when they come over I love them and treat them with respect.  Here is this man that I love and he has these children, how could I not love them? I care for them. Their well being.  I would hope that my ex's wife is caring for my children the way I care for my boyfriend's children.

Good luck. 

i totally relate to this...and while this is probably not what you want to hear....unless the woman is crazed, she is another pair of eyes..and another adult...to take care of your children.  i know my ex could not handle my kids alone.  his g/f makes sure there is food in the fridge and clean sheets on the bed.  i'm sure she is the one that feeds them...if left to him he would only give them drive thru mcdonalds.

i am fearful of the day she kicks him out and can only hope that never happens.

try to make peace with this woman.   if it helps at all, think of her as the hired help.  she babysits your kids and has to deal with your ex....all for free. 

I live in Washington State.  My STBX moved in with his "thing" about 10 minutes after he walked out on us.  I haven't been with anyone at all since.  We are talking over 2 years now.  Washington will not allow for a morality clause.  They have stopped them from smoking around the children (both have asthma and I actually had to TAKE them to court for a court order).  I tried to be nice to his thing, but it didn't work.  She was nice enough but kept tryng to get me to date, or go to "swingers clubs".  I couldn't take it.  The bottom line is that you have to show your children right from wrong.  Your STBX isn't capable of that, so it's up to you.  Sorry, but that's the way it usually is.  The custodial parent ends up dealing with the emotions of the children and sometimes, they ain't pretty.  Stick to your guns, but remember, in the long run, what you do, say and how you behave is what is the most important. 

Hi hershey! You can stop the overnights while they are living together and not married. As elane said..the morality clause is the term that you need. You can't stop him from seeing the kids when he is with her but overnights can be stopped unless they are married.
Talk to your lawyer and file for modifications to the visitation, siteing the morality clause. If you can prove he is living with her then you may even be able to site adultery since you are not divorced.
Just don't try to turn the kids against her or him. Stay out of that part. My bfs ex is doing that . I had a relationship with the kids thru church prior to seeing my bf and now they are not allowed to even look at me.
Check out my be the best parent you can be blog. It talks about focusing on you and the kids..etc and letting your ex or stbx go.