dont know how to handle this

My husband and I are in the middle of a seperation. He refuses to leave. He kicked me out of the bedroom he is on disability and lays up there most of the day watching tv, I am living out of bags in my sons room and sneaking in the room to shower and get clothes. Unfortunately our seperation papers are not signed and he know says he wont do anything he agreed to. He told me 2 days before the bills are due I have to pay them( against our agreement), of course the utilities etc are in my name.And I do not have a steady income.I can pay this month but after that I dont know! he is now in gamblers anonymous but has lost 1000s at he poker table. He tells me he filed a police report on me for pushing him last week, he had me in a corner screaming at me and i had to push him away to get out of there.Whenever I say anything he looks at me like i am crazy and calls me a psycho and a loser. I have 3 kids 11,14,16 my 16 year old stays away as much as possible. I am at a loss what to do. By the way checked it out and there is no police report he lied. Any thoughts?

by dellinda 3 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2008 1:30 PM

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Answers for "dont know how to handle this" (9) (You must be logged in to answer)

Thanks for all your support. I am hoping to sign the seperation agrrrement this week, after its signed I have it in writing that he agreed to and has moved out. He is totally enjoying making me as miserable as possible I am living out of bags and still sleeping on the couch. I just do not have any where to go and work is a whole other situation, now with the holidays coming.... its all too much

by dellinda 3 Posts
Posted on 10/26/2008 11:26 AM

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Me too....we are 'separated under one roof'....he said he wanted to leave and ....it's been 8 months. My solicitor seemed to think we could get him out by taking him to court....I didn't want to do that and tried moderation, solicitors negotiating etc to no avail. I have just signed court orders to sell our house....at least now I have a time frame it must be sold in and we must then share the cost of selling....also it states that we must divide the utilities 50/50 meanwhile. Unless you can buy him out. If renting well...just go.

You should also ring the agencies that instigate child support for you. The kids are old enough (probably) to decide where they want/who with and so on.

So the solicitor helped some but the real estate agent (a divorcee) and other divorcees gave me tips. e.g. changing my insurances etc. to make kids only beneficiaries...changing will and so on.

All the best. Get good advice. If in any danger leave and it will still be sorted from afar.

vivienh

by vivienh 5 Posts
Posted on 10/11/2008 8:20 AM

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Try to find another place to live. It is not worth you & your kids mental health to continue to live in the way that you have.
Document all that is going on. It will help you later! His gambleing etc. Find the parenting plan on my profile , print it off and read it thoroughly. Highlight anything you want in your agreement. Take it to your lawyer.
If the papers are not signed then they are no good. He must know that!
As for the threats. He is yanking your chain. Remain calm...stay clear and protect yourself. When you are ready to move take with you anything that is yours and divide the other things fairly( I know he is being a rear but try to be fair) Think as though you will probably never be allowed back in the house because you may not be.You may need to have the police be there since he appears to be there all the time, it may get ugly.
Good luck to ya honey! I hope everything goes well.

by mtnvly 2541 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2008 7:47 PM

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Yeah, there are plenty of people here who've been where you are. You need to get to a place where you can at least think straight. Staying at home, and working from home and not getting away at all...that's not good.

by Robert-Boyd 4196 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2008 7:03 PM

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Thanks, I feel like I am losing it right now. I own a small business making window treatments and my workroom is in my home, I work from home. So its not so easy to leave. I search everyday for a full time job but everything seems to want a couple of years experience or more than just a h.s. diploma. My husband collects disability so has the steady "income" and like I said refuses to leave. I just cant take it anymore.

by dellinda 3 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2008 6:15 PM

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I also think that you should try and seek another place to move into, at least for the meantime and take your children with you. Maybe you could also look for a full time job that would help put you back on your feet a little better. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through.

by deborah-trevino 715 Posts
Posted on 10/5/2008 5:49 PM

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dont know how to handle this