HELP I NEED LOTS OF HELP

Steph,

The information about your husband and relationship changes things.  If he is being emotionally abusive to you, and isn't willing to try counseling or work on the marriage, then you are right to be considering breaking up.  But I agree with Sheila and MtnVly, you really need to resolve your current relationship before clouding it with another.  If for no other reason, for your kids.  Tell your husband that this relationship is not meeting your needs, and that you are starting to think that it may come to divorce.  See how he reacts to that.  If he loves you, that should make him very willing to do counseling or whatever it takes to save the marriage.  But if he doesn't care enough to put in the work, then the marriage is probably over.  Still, for the sake of the kids, I really think you should put the other relationship on hold until you can end the one you're in.

Take care, and we're here for you.

My advise to you is to stop the affair until things are decided with your husband. I am not judging you but that is unfair to him. If it is truly love then he will wait for things to be done and will understand.
Yes if he finds out about the affair it can limit your time with the kids and or affect who gets physical custody, affect your having the house and and money that you otherwise might receive.
You are entitled to any assets BUT your affair might affect that if he makes it an issue.

I have been in a similar situation.  My husband was working constantly and I felt like a single mom.  I went to counseling by myself and suggested that he joined me, but he didn't have the time.  The only time that he had the time was after he found out that I had an affair.  The problem is, by the time the affair started, I think I was too far gone in the marriage.  But no one really seems to understand that.  It's like I got in to the mindset that I was already alone, so when someone else came along, it didn't feel like I was already in a relationship.

I bet that once you tell your husband that you want a divorce, he will want to try counseling.  It seems like you need to whack them in the head sometimes to get them to pay attention to you, instead of the business.  I know that they think that they are doing the right thing by working so hard, but they need to remember that's it's not all about the money.  If he is willing to go to counseling, at least give it a try.  Maybe you are not as far gone as you think.  The only problem is that he will need to stick with any changes that he is going to make, and that may be too hard for him.

Good luck.

Hi, thanks for all the replies. This is exactly what I needed. Its awful to not be able to talk to anyone. My husband is the type of person that doesn't talk about anything. I have tried for a year now to work on this relationship. He doesn't want to talk. All he does is work. He puts it ahead of everything, including me and our kids. I feel like I am already a single mom so I might as well be. I'M not leaving him for another man. But my thoughts are if I could feel this way for someone else then I shouldn't be married. Its not fair to me and its certainly not fair to my husband. I don't know what happened to our relationship but it got lost somewhere. I asked him if he wanted to go to counseling and he said he didn't. I feel as if I'm in a one sided relationship. He puts me down nonstop. I believe he is very emotional abusive. I tried to talk to him about this but he just says that he doesn't do that...whatever. He has all but broke my soul and spirit. I cant take it anymore. If he isn't willing to try why should I continue to force the issue? Shouldn't I just move on with my life?

Honestly, this thing with the best friend might not be love. it might not work out and things will get weird between you two.  Trust me, I was in something like this but I wasn't marry and didn't have kids. While just being with a best friend part. I think that you are just feeling lonely because your husband has been working too much and has not been paying any attention to you. Then there's always being with the kids especially three under 4 years, will drive insane. Maybe try to see if he can take a day off, just the two of you. you're always with the kids so get a babysitter. make sure that is what you want first before decide. you owe it to your children. this will also going to effect them also. so stay strong. Things will work out for the best. Make sure your husband know that you want the attention your not getting and talk to each other about your feelings.

just to let you know. ive been researching about child custody and the court in cali do look at the parent who left for someone else. so watch what you do and make sure if you do go though with this that everything shows you are doing it for the best interest of your children. The court looks at too.

 

I hope you make a wise decide for you, and your children though.

Wow, 3 kids. Have you thought about what they deserve? You liked your husband enough to make them. My husband is also in the restaraunt business. I get they are gone *all the time*. But have you thought about talking to him, going to counseling before you rip your family apart. We've been working at it for 2 yrs. I don't know if we're going to work out, but I'm not going to start another relationship before I end this one.

Sure, new relationships are fun. Because its not their socks on the floor, its not them leaving plates all over the place. But eventually it will be. Make sure the excitement of another man isn't distracting you from real life and real marriage.

Have you even *tried* to make it better? I also don't believe you deserve anything if you left the marriage for another man.