Was I totally crazy?

I have lived with a spouse that has cheated, and has a love/sex addiction for our entire 11 yr. marriage.

At about yr. 6, I couldn't take the lies and deception anymore, and didn't want to break up my family, (I still loved him, got along with him, and we had his daughter living with us). I decided if he wanted to cheat, as long as he was honest, and told me when and where he was, I agreed with it. He actually cheated less then I think, but it was very difficult for me. I knew he would not ever change, so this, as crazy as it seems, actually made me feel more in control. I had felt for years that I was constanly checking up on him in every aspect, and was driving myself nutty.

All of my friends tell me that this caused him to lose any respect he still had for me, and was the final demise of my marriage. I too, started dating, and we had an open marriage, I guess. This was never what I wanted, I guess it was my way of dealing with things.

I notice several of you continue to live in the same house, living as separated, with no intimacy with your spouse. I too, lived this way for our last two years prior to separating. How does this arrangement work for all of you? I'm curious....

Also, anyone else got opinions on how I dealt with the cheating once upon a time?

by sbear 12 Posts
Posted on 10/2/2008 5:42 PM

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Tags: cheating , infidelity , lying , sex addiction , filandering , separation , deciding

Answers for "Was I totally crazy?" (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

I think we all make choices in relationships where the spouse without remorse or regard cheats.
As the one 'taking it' you are left vulnerable, afraid, insecure, caught off guard and unable to think clearly. It can take years to clear that type of fog! So don't beat yourself up about it! Feel good that you hit a "wake up" point and proceed to finding some peace in enjoying the rest of your soon to be loved right fabulous ready for real love life!

by TheGoodGirl 48 Posts
Posted on 10/2/2008 7:33 PM

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Hi, I truly believe each of us does the best we can given the circumstances of our lives. You did what you thought was best at the time and now you're choosing differently. There's nothing wrong with that. Just be sure that from now on you choose you first and accept nothing less than the love you deserve. I think that's where so many of us go wrrong. We choose others before ourselves. All the best! Kassandra Vaughn, the ROI Coach http://chooseyounotdivorce.blogspot.com

by KV 428 Posts
Posted on 10/2/2008 7:17 PM

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We are living together because we can't sell the house and can't finalize the divorce until it is sold. Also neither of us can afford the house on our own. So we cohabitate - he still does the shopping and I pay the bills. He basically has cheated for years but I have not. We stayed together for the kids so the last one has graduated HS so that's the end.

by scared27years 283 Posts
Posted on 10/2/2008 6:20 PM

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