out of love

It's possible to recover the feelings you had, but I wouldn't bet the farm on it. After your heart has been kicked around the soccer field enough, you take it out of the game.

I think in order to put it back in the game, after being hurt, you first need to develop trust that it won't be hurt again. And that trust won't ever be 100% like it was before. And that will take time (not that prayer wouldn't hurt).

I couldn't do it with my STBX, and she couldn't either; hence the STBX status. I'm sad it didn't work, but while I don't have 50 years left, I know I won't be spending them in "the marriage that wasn't". I think that's a good thing.

And I agree it is hard to make progress improving the marriage if your heart isn't really in it. My STBX wouldn't continue counseling, and although I kept trying, I think that took the wind out of my sails. My heart just wasn't in it anymore; I was just going through the motions.

I wish there was a simple answer, but there isn't. If he really wants to put humpty dumpty back together again, my best suggestion is to do "together" counseling and schedule a session with just you there to discuss your "my heart isn't in it" issues. Most counselors will want to have at least one separate session with each of you anyway, just to get clued in on the stuff you don't feel comfortable talking about in front of your spouse.

Best wishes for choosing the right road, and may the rainbow of happiness lie not too far down it.

Sometimes marriages can be reconciled but both parties must be willing to do what it takes for it to work.  I know first hand that being damaged over and over again by your husband is going to be difficult to even bare.  The truth is depending on the act that happen you may not every return 100% but the marriage is worth trying.  Before you make any decision make sure you've done your part to make it work even after the betrayel, disappointment or whatever it was.  I stayed in my marriage for 10 years hoping, praying and even fasting for it to work out never once falling out of love with him nor stepping out on him but sometimes you have to accept people for who they are and if their lifestyle is something you can't deal with then the obvious has to be done especially for a peace of mind.  I feels sometimes that I want to go back to him only because I really wanted to grow old with this man but he wanted to grow old with me, Meika, Nikki, Tracy, Val and everyone else so I had to move on.  I didn't wanted to be 50 years old and this man still out there flirting with young girls and/or sleeping with them.  So make sure you want to leave even if he change for the better before you make a move or can handle seeing him with another woman like I did.

How do you clear your head of the "out of love" feelings?  How do you let go of all of the bitterness for what has happened?  I'm not sure how to do it.

yes, it's possible to fall in and out of love with the same person. I think that you need to do some soul searching to figure out what you want for your life.  Don't make a decision quickly though.  Best of luck to you.

Out of Love...  You might as well have written that for me.  I am in exactly the same spot.  My husband and I have gotten to the edge, but its like neither of us wants to be the first to jump.  Know what I mean?  We have been to counseling and I have tried just a good old fashioned mental re-commitment but its like I can't make the feelings happen.  I look at my 3-year-old and think I should be able to do it for him and I just can't.  So much has happened between us that I feel like damaged goods.  I'm emotionally exhausted.  I hear my husband say he loves me and he would do anything for me but I've heard it all before...its just "what he says" but the deep-rooted feelings just aren't there.  So my questions are 1) is this it?  Is this how people feel right before they decide that divorce is the answer?  2) If not, is it possible to ever REALLY get those feelings back?  And how in the world do you ever do that?  Emotionally I dont' feel "safe" with him...I feel like I have to keep my defenses up because I've been hurt so many times.

So now what???

I would say to try to remember the person that you fell in love with...try to reconcile ...it is always worth a chance..Many times the hurt that has taken place covers the love. It still may be there and I think that you owe it to yourself to give it a shot. Then 50 years forom now you will have the answer and not have to question your decision.
Try counseling...give it a chance ..at least for a while to see if the "changes and effort " he is making is real or not.
I am a firm believer that if you REALLY loved him once that it is still there........you just have to find it. Time will tell!