Im lost!!!

My wife and I have been married for 5 years and we have had our bumps in the road, like everyone else. Lately I have been thinking alot about divorce. I dont know if I am still in love with my wife and I dont feel very happy. My best friend is going through a divorce and it has got me thinking alot about my life. I am going to be 24 in october and that also got me thinking about the things that I want to do with my life, and i dont think that i can do them with my wife. I am very involved with my career and she knows that. My friend and I have been doing alot of talking and i asked him a question, " In the time that you have known me am I as happy as i was when we first met". to my suprise he answerd NO. This kind of shocked me but then I got to thinking about it and I dont feel as happy as I used to be, is it me or is it the situaton Im in. I have never cheated on her or vice versa. I have changed alot for her and I have never once asked her to change anything about her. I have almost given up everything for her except my religion. She does not have anything spiriual in her life and that bothers me. I have never asked her to belive in what I beleve. God is a huge part in my life and I wish she could have that feeling but I dont ask her to. She now asked me to stop going to the church that I enjoy going to and havent been in months and that bothers me. I feel that she has ever accepted me for who I am. My family has also seen a change in my personality and they say that I am not the person I used to be. When ever we go home we have to see her family for hours and we go and see my mother for mybe an hour or not at all, she is the only parent I have. I feel that she is very selfish and she worries all the time, and im not like that at all. Oh and to top it all off the first month at my new job she though i was going to make a ton of money because I have a degree but i didnt. She called me at work thretning divorce, this is not the first time that this has happend tok me. She said that I like to take jobs that dont pay good and that I am a dead beat. I just dont know what to do. I lost!!!

by fordhighboy32 2 Posts
Posted on 9/19/2008 1:10 PM

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Tags: help , begining , divorce , deciding

Answers for "Im lost!!!" (8) (You must be logged in to answer)

Dear I'm Lost,

You stated the following: "I have changed alot for her and I have never once asked her to change anything about her. I have almost given up everything for her except my religion. She does not have anything spiriual in her life and that bothers me."
I would recommend that you ask yourself the following:
1. What would you like her to change for you, and why do you want this?
2. What have you given up that you miss? Why do you miss it?
3. Have you spoken with your wife about these concerns, or have you left them on the back burner so to speak?
Communication is essential in a healthy relationship. If you are not communicating your concerns, then she may not even realize that there is a problem.
In regards to her not allowing you to see your family for a sufficient amount of time, I agree that this is selfish and uncalled for. You should discuss your concerns about this with her. Family is very important. If your mother is the only person left in your family and something bad were to happen to your mom, you would automatically have resentment towards your wife.

The best advise that I can give is to try to evaluate the whole situation. Try to understand your wifes point of view. Above all, do what is right for you. Don't ever settle for less than what you truly deserve.

by Brandi26 2 Posts
Posted on 10/2/2008 10:03 AM

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You are terribly lost. I have read both blogs and it is clear that neither of you are happy. As for you though, you claim that you have a relationship with the Lord, yet you fail to seek him in these matters. You are only using your wife as an excuse to not go to church and not build on you relationship with HIM. Stop relying on what your "friend" thinks......is his life a success? is he happy? has he had successfull relationships? You should know that you need to be around what you want.....ie.....if you want happy successful rlaltionships, you hang around people who have happy healthy relationships. Learn from them and go from there.

Seriously, if what your wife is saying is the truth.......she is more than supportive. As the Man of the House, and you konw what I mean, you should be providing and sharing in the life the two of you lead. You should be seeking God in all that you do and letting Him lead you in leading your marriage and household.

So, my advice is STOP whining and START doing what you KNOW you are supposed to do. If you really aren't in love with her.....set her free.....it's not fair. And, get your butt back in church....stop using excuses.....you just know that you will get your toes stepped on during the sermons......DON't be scared!

by Rache 37 Posts
Posted on 9/30/2008 10:50 AM

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I and others have started responding to your wife's blog post, so check that out, too.

Take care.

by jhs 555 Posts
Posted on 9/27/2008 10:56 AM

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Hi. I'm fordhighboy32's wife. He knows that I am on here and posting this. Please view my blog and tell me what you think:

http://www.divorce360.com/community/profile/journalentry/13979/misstay/im-lost-too.aspx

by MissTay 8 Posts
Posted on 9/26/2008 3:08 PM

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I think you have answered your own question. When you start to ask, do I love her, why did we get married, and do I really know her? It is time to go forward without her. Your young, and my husband had the same questions of me and he is younger then you, but you are different then he is if you read my story and she was lucky to have had (5) years I didn't get that, but I have to tell you that its time to be honest with her and leave for a few weeks and talk to her everyday and have a dinner or two and if you still don't know then take another two weeks after a month if you can make up your mind then great if not then keep doing whatever you feel needs to be done. But be honest and truthful to you and her.

by Departed 571 Posts
Posted on 9/19/2008 2:53 PM

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thats the question do i love her, i dont know. i really cant see her in my future. we only dated for about 8months before we tied the knot and at that time i thought i knew her until we moved in together, everytime something major happens she threatens divorce.

by fordhighboy32 2 Posts
Posted on 9/19/2008 2:48 PM

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First, not going to church because she doesn't want you too is out of the question. It's church, not a bar, you like it and she should respect it. Your job, if you like your job and can come home with a smile on your face and be the loving husband for her then it shouldn't matter how much $$$$ are behind it. If she has already started yelling divorce and your thinking of it, maybe you two should cool it for a week or so and then see how you feel, a legal seperation or a few weeks away can make or break this problem, your in a rut and some couples go through this but what your describing seems like the truck is stuck and you need a tow. Think about it as you have and follow your heart, not your buddy.

by Departed 571 Posts
Posted on 9/19/2008 2:42 PM

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First of all do not jump to a divorce just because your friend is going through it. You and your wife seem very young and of course you are changing. You are not the same person at 20 you are at 30. It sounds like you two should try marriage counseling first to see if you can work it out. You should still be madly in love with each other and in the "honeymoon" phase of your relationship at this point. She should respect your religion and not question you on it. She also needs to be happy that you are happy with your job no matter how much money you are making. I guess the main question here is .... Do you two REALLY love each other??

by Barkley 912 Posts
Posted on 9/19/2008 1:47 PM

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