At a lost with confusion and doubt.

I'm at a lost. Out of the blue I'm finding myself getting depressed and not sure of myself. I'm lonely in a strange town. I know my son is busy finding new friends and I'm so grateful for that and I don't want to weigh him down with my problems and uncertainties. I'm scared I don't have what it takes. I feel abandoned here, but I put myself here. The support I thought I was going to have is not there. She (cousin) has moved straight from divorce to a relationship. We hardly talk because she is constantly talking to him or with him. I'm proud she found someone to help her through everything but it makes me wish I had someone. Not in a romantic way but someone I can talk to. Yes, this sounds like jealousy and it probably is but it doesn't change the fact that I want it. I have no one and I don't know if I'm being selfish or, or what you call it. I feel like my soul is calling out for someone and no one is there. I feel doomed to fail. Is this self esteem issues. I have no way of knowing how to get them. Is it taught? My kids don't seem to have this problem and I raised them, so how is it I don't have it? I see how I want thing in my head but I don't feel like I can do this if I don't have anyone there to tell me it is okay. I have no one to go do anything with, to talk to that knows what I'm going through. No one to just get me through the day. Am I being pathetic here or what? The doubt is really setting in and I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to handle this too well.