Isn't it possible that divorce is the right solution?

i just read these. don't worry what people think. do what you need to do...whatever that is. just do it with open eyes. it's not going to be easier, being divorced. it may be better, but not easier. if you have kids, that means more commuting time to see them, less time with them, obviously and more dual house issues...plus less money all around. lots of issues. so think it out.

Thanks to all for your comments. I realize this is a situation-specific thing. I feel this invisible hand, call it morality, societal pressure, something, that is pushing me to stay in a marriage for the sake of keeping a stable home for the kids. I suppose this is all in my mind. Our counselor said if we divorced everyone would wonder "I wonder what happened to them?" and discuss it for 5 minutes but then move on with their day; not really caring that much. Wondering what other people will think and say is paralyzing.

It does depend on your situation, but I can say this, speaking strictly for myself. I was the primary breadwinner. We had a big house, two incomes, and two kids. Six years later, while I'm still the breadwinner, I now have a job where I make half what I did before. We rent a duplex (sold the house to clear out the joint debts.) And I'm a single parent. Sounds worse, right? Wrong. My ex and I are much better parents apart than we ever were together. My job that pays half as much also lets me flex my schedule,, work from home, and otherwise works with my life as a mom. And I'm much happier - my ex is happier, and the kids have two happy homes to live in instead of one miserably, angry one.

I've only been divorced since October and can absolutely say I am happier! I was already doing all of the raising of our children, all of the housework, cooking and working part time. My ex is an alcoholic in deep denial, has been secretly unfaithful for 6 years and claims to love me and want me back while living with the woman he has been seeing all of these years! ("She really is just a friend!") It is shocking to me how many excuses I made for his behavior over the years. Our children in the 3rd and 1st grades prefer to be with me or their dad's girlfriend over being with their dad alone! They are happy, we have a routine that is pretty much the same as before at our house- only now I work full time. Their father is busy trying to impress the girlfriend and the children each weekend with trips and fun outings all over the place. I look at it like this: The children now see a loving adult relationship (Father and girlfriend), hear much fewer heated arguments, get to go on a

Absolutely!! If you're not happy, and you've tried to make it work, its time to take the next step. I am all for whatever makes you happy. I dont believe in staying with anyone if they make you miserable.

when i divorced i thought it was the end of the world. now i realize it was the best decision i ever made. i have children - why in the world would i want to raise them in a loveless marriage? we fought all the time. not in front of them but they certainly knew. i am much happier now and so are they. life post divorce is tough but once you get over the humps it is a beautiful thing. you just need to move on and now dwell in the past.

I do believe that people can have a much better life post divorce - but it probably won't be exactly what they envisioned during the divorce process. There are so many things people don't think about or realize will happen (or will need to happen) post divorce. So much changes. And sometimes, the person who thought that divorce would be horrible for them, end up finding it was the best thing that could have ever happend.

I think you're right that some people do come out better after divorce. I think that most everyone returns at least to the "as happy as" state. But it's a healing process. It's like having something surgically removed. It's removed because it's beyond repair or doesn't belong. Recovery will take time. Nobody feels 100% during the recovery phase. I can't speak for everyone else, but for me, there's a lot of stigma attached to divorce. It's a permanent decision. It's a missing limb showing everybody I failed. Why would I rush toward that with joy, even if it does mean I'll be better in the long run? What if they find a miracle cure so I can walk again?

I think it all depends on your situation. If you have kids, it's just so much more difficult post divorce. If you don't have kids, don't have shared property, etc...then sure, why not divorce if you're not happy, right? things should be better. But then again, if abuse is involved and/or there are no solutions to your problems, maybe the adults will be happier divorced. It's a hard call...