sleeping mind racing

I was having a hard time sleeping......I finally decided that is my days were filled with more positive thoughts maybe my nights would allow me a better nights sleep. It WORKED....
When you are at the point to where you dream the nightmare you live every day, there is no rest for your mind....And no oone has the strength to do this 24/7...
Thats my advice, try it...
Terri

No you are not alone, we are all here to help and support you thru this.  We have been there and gone thru it and survived.  You do deserve better than this and you will get better in time.  None of us asked for this to happen to us and it's not our fault either.  You can rest assured that you did the best you could to try and keep your marriage together but it just didn't work out that way.  I know I tried to keep my marriage together and I had no control over it at all, because it takes 2 to keep it together.  All my friends are in shock over our divorce and him cheating, because they never thought in a million years he would do that to me--it's not in his personality to do this, but I guess this goes to show you that you don't know everything about everybody.  I just know that you will be better off and will find someone someday that will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.  And all these people who have done us wrong will get theirs in the end it's called KARMA and it's a bitch when you mess with it--at least that's what I think anyways.  Every dog has his day!! :)  Hang in there it will get better and you have us on here to support you thru it to!! :)

Thank you all for the advice.  I know it will get better it just sucks right now.  I have used all the web tools to try to find him but no luck.  I keep telilng myself to pace myself it is going to be a while before it is all over. I am a good person and deserve so much better than this it is just so hard right now because he was not the person he is now.  Every single person we know is still in shock of his behavior but you are all right I have to focus on me now.  Thanks again it is good to know I am not alone no matter if I feel that way or not

Sometimes when it's late at night and I can't stop my brain from circling around and around...I listen to music, or read.  I usually drink a glass of wine before going to bed, which helps.  Sometimes I force myself to meditate.  It's not easy, but it does help.  Another thing that helps is exercising or otherwise tiring yourself out...not right before you go to bed, but about an hour before, so the endorphins have time to work through your system.

If you like reading and can concentrate on a good book, that's what I do to help me relax and get to sleep.  Tylenol PM also helps a little to.  I personally like vodka (don't use it every night!!) but it does help to in a pinch (actually cranberry absolute--which is cranberry juice mixed with a little vodka absolute).  I'm sorry you are going thru this and I went thru the same thing right when I found out my ex was cheating on me.  I couldn't sleep thinking what they were doing and why he was with her and not me the whole thing.  But then I realized that he can have her I'm better off and I can't sit here and think about this stuff because it's only stressing me out.  I also realized that I can't control what he does or what he does it with, I can only control what I do and how I react to things going on.  I know it hurts like hell, because I've been thru it, but you will get thru this, it will just take some time and you have to go thru the emotional rollar coaster ride of emotions before you get to the healing part of it.  It totally sucks but you have to go thru all of it to reach the healing.  I feel better now than I did a few months ago, so if that's any help to you I'm glad.  I went thru a divorce support group and that helped me out alot and everyone on here has also helped me out alot and I can't thank everyone enough for that help either!!  You just need you friends and family close by you for support and that will help you out alot to!!  I wish you all the best!!

devestated....I'm sorry for the pain and confusion you are going through. Is he in the same town? I've heard you can put it in the paper for so many days or have a family member served. Check into it and see if it can be done. Hang in there! And try the old remedy of warm milk, or a touch of brandy before you go to bed.

devestated,
It has been two months since I discovered he had a new girlfriend....which was two weeks after we separated.  He brought her to a RO court hearing (yes, it got ugly)  so visually seeing them "together" was heart wrenching.  I did the obsessing thinking thing for a few weeks until I realized I was making myself go crazy....lol 
During one of my crying spells, I was listening to a Christian rock CD full blast and I cried out to God to take this pain away...I did not want to deal with it anymore!!  I was able to get to sleep that night and I slowly trained myself to stop thinking about him/her and what they were doing.  His "new" life was not my business anymore (tough to hear I know)  
 :(  and I started focusing on my life.....what I wanted for my new future.
I am trying to serve my stbx too....He moved to another state with his brother but moved out of his brothers apt. to one in the same complex (with this new girl).  I do not know his new apt. but I sent the papers restricted  certified mail to his brothers....I am checking my email constantly (USPS will send me tracking and confirmation through email)...I am praying he will pick up the papers!! 
Do you know this other womens name?  Maybe you can find her address through Intelius or the white pages online?  I don't know my stbx (whatever she is) name so I had no luck. 
Hang in there sweetheart...it will get better :)

devestated,
 I am sorry to see you deal with so much that won't stop racing in your head. I have the same problem and taking medication to. Nothing seems to work. I've tried so much of what others have told me without any luck. If I do discover something that does work, I'll let you know.