Visitation and the kids

I just got divorced and was awarded my children every other weekend and every other Wednesday night. They will live with my ex-wife as the primary but me on those times. My children at 13 (f), 15 (m), and 17 (m).

My children have already told me they do not want to have to stay overnight at my house. I live alone but have enough space for them and could make them comfortable but they don't like the idea and have all their "stuff" at their main residence. They have also been highly influenced by my ex-wife to believe I was wrong to divorce her, am in sin, etc.

I think they need time with me and time away from her but I don't want to force it and traumatize them. They would prefer we just get together for a few hours each weekend but no overnights. My wife claims she is willing to be flexible about when I see them so long as I put in writing I am not going to use my weekends with them and always give her 24 hours advance notice. That didn't work though during the divorce and I often didn't get to see one or all of the kids.

So I'm wondering how hard to push. Should I force them to spend the entire weekend with me or not for now but leave the door open? I love them and want to see them but I also don't want to push them away.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

by SpudBoy 1 Post
Posted on 9/6/2008 1:34 PM

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Tags: visitation , kids

Answers for "Visitation and the kids" (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

Don't push my ex pushes the kids and it creates such bad feelings. Our sixteen year old just refuses but my eight year old just begs not to go and my ex makes him. I think someday my son will remember all of this and will resent his father.

by mominny 219 Posts
Posted on 9/6/2008 9:46 PM

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I agree with the counseling idea. Don't push them to stay with you at this point. If you do , it sounds as though she has already influenced them and will continue. Hold what you have ...try to find a counselor that will not intimidate the kids. I think you will find that they will come around....but don't push.

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 9/6/2008 3:05 PM

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Maybe in your case family therapy might work, with you and the children. Or if family therapy is out maybe you should talk to a therapist and see what their recommendations might be. If she is influencing them the therapist might be able to give you tips on how to handle the situation. I firmly believe that one person attending therapy in any situation is better than no one attending therapy. I also believe that when couples divorce and there are children involved then the children should be in therapy because there are many feelings that the children have that they alone can't cope with. Especially the ages of your children. Children are not stupid and they can pick up on cues from the parents. They might refuse to go to therapy or if they are there then they might refuse to talk but I believe that it might be very important in your case that the children see a therapist to help them through this time.

by melaine 425 Posts
Posted on 9/6/2008 1:42 PM

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