so hard

thank you all for talking. i know in my head it is over! i just need to get my heart on that same page! i need to find happiness and love will follow.....

Mtnvly is so right,  sometimes love is not enough, but makes it so much harder. Sadly, I think u have to purposely harden your heart to them to make it thru.

we all become comfortable in our misery.  It seems nuts but we would rather be miserable together than happy apart because of complacency and the good old "swimming in unknown territories".  I have sooo much cause and reason to basically call it quits in my marriage (and I'm trying really hard) but a part of me just can't stay angry.  The anger has actually become part of an average day.  And it exhausts me.  I've been told as of today, that I have to learn how to de-stress because it has made me physically sick.  Not horribly but enough that That in itself should make me take the step toward gettin' it done.  Something for you will make you just say "No, no more" and you won't be mad, just peaceful and brave and you will know that it's time to be kind to both yourself and your loved one and move on.  Good luck.

                     Saying goodbye brings a  finalization to it all. No more phone calls, or petty arguments or that slight chance it might work out. But at some point you must bring it to an end. I stayed in my first marriage for 28 years for the sake of the kids. In the end they were just as upset as adults as they would have been if we would have split when they were little. Your anger is your frustration, your feeling of having failed at a marriage that you wanted to work,and your suspicions of what she may be doing. Don't let that anger tear you down. Vent it out on here. I know that a life without her seems unbearable right now but would you rather spend another 20 years being miserable and living in hell. I went that route. You don't want to go there. That is why my second marriage only lasted 3 years. When I saw what was happening I had to get out. You have my support and prayers.

I have finally reached that point were my heart and mind are on the same page. My girls have always been my first thought and now seeing what has happened the past few weeks, I know my girls and I will be ok away from her. I think part of my issue in finally saying goodbye is the fear of what is next, the thought of failing, and the thought of how it will affect the little ones. But you know you finally just come to the realization that it is best for all...

I feel your pain.  My stbx started an affair, then quit and I believe re started after she wanted out and left 2 weeks ago.  Prior to that we were fighting, mostly her and me trying to stop or defend myself from her desire to "force" me to end it.  But she did. We have 2 great kids and they are as hurt as I thought they would be but she seems oblivious to their needs, just hers.  I think now it is better for me to deal with the pain and loss than later as she surely will in some form and fashion.  I think you might be ahead of your (stbx?) in the healing process which any way you slice it is a god send.  Hang in there, I will too.

Because you still love her. Believe me , I know it was very tough for me to end things with my ex because of the same reason.
Sometimes love just isn't enough..