What are your regrets (not just about marriage or divorce)?

I believe everything happens for a reason yet I regret that I let my Mom control me and not let me finish my degree at school in performance.  She insisted I drop out or change my degree to education and then when student teaching, the teacher failed me. I wasted a whole semester because the art teacher liked me and this teacher also liked him.  So petty and it changed the course of my life.  I ended up with a degree but not what my passion was.  Then the red flags were waving in the wind when I married the man I spent half a lifetime with. So many people didn't like him yet I guess I had so little self esteem that I didn't see how much he belittled me.  My mom was so happy that any man would be interested in me since she used to make me feel pretty bad about myself. How interesting that he is so much like my mother.  My family used to joke that he liked her better than me.  Anyways, all you can do is move forward from today.  Not as easy to do.  I hate the loneliness of divorce.  I lost some friends whom I had a lot in common with but they were against it and stay in abusive alcoholic marriages.  I guess I had the arrogance to believe I deserved something better than someone who was cheating and who was physically abusive.  I guess if my sisters lived nearby it wouldn't be as bad.  It's so nice reading about what others feel.  If we only knew then what we know now!!!

I regret getting married at 21 to my first husband. I regret not getting a college degree. I regret marrying my second husband and letting him control me for 15 years. I regret letting my divorce get "ugly", and letting it be so difficult for my children. I regret not having a good relationship with my father (he passed away last September).
I do know that I have learned from everything I have been through and I will try not to make the same mistakes again.

My biggest regret is not finishing my degree.  My whole life would be different right now if I had.  

I regret not going away to college and living on campus.  I missed so much.   I regret marrying so young and not experiencing more life, people, love, relationship wisdom.  I don't regret my marriage completely because it gave me my children.  I regret how it turned out.  I regret letting HER back in my life.  I needed a support system when my marriage started to fall apart and I really thought she'd try to change.  I started my life being controlled and mistreated by her.  I broke away.  I ended up controlled and verbally abused by the ex.  I let her back in.  Now I once again have someone fighting to control my every step.  It shouldn't be this way.

You are an eloquent bunch.   I love your comment, Sandra, about ignoring red flags and then trying to cover up the red marker.  The English teacher in me says:  GREAT METAPHOR!   I've got regrets up the wazoo and am going to be writing a book about them and trying to come up with ways to leave them behind.  I will fill you all in on what I discover.  Right now for the Jews among you, go to the Tashlich ceremony during the upcoming High Holy Days where you get to cast bread on the waters and wash away  your sins.  You can cast away your marriage and your regrets about it.  I'm looking forward to doing that.

What I regret most was my thinking that I could control his cheating and that he still loved me. I didn't want to see the signs and wished that I would have seen them sooner than I did....thus not wasting so much time of my life loving a man who really didn't love me.

I regret my first marriage at 15, it lasted 16 years and produced my 2 boys, and I would never change that. I regret divorcing under the circumstances that i did  (there was someone else), and I wish I had never met him, that ended in a second divorce. I regret the third marriage, it was one of the most insane things I have ever done, there weren't only red flags, the whole relationship was colored with a red permanent marker. i kept trying different colored markers, but red is hard to cover. At the same time, I regret none of it, because i have learned,,,finally, what makes me tick, and feel that i am ready to face a new world without a man in it, as a matter of fact, I have committed to a no-dating policy for a full year. I do definitely regret any pain i have caused others with my poor choices, and there have been at least 4, for sure. I love reading these posts, you all are awesome.

I regret marrying my ex at age 19 thinking we would live happy ever after with the white picket fence and the whole nine yards!!  I regret letting him control me for 17 yrs and taking his verbal abuse and not standing up for myself.  After the divorce I have finally stood up for myself--finally for once in my life.  I regret not going on to college to get a better job because I moved in with him after graduation and we decided to get married.  I regret alot but I guess love is blind and I was blind as hell!!! Not gonna happen again!!

I regret not having accepted sound advice in the past from family, love ones and preists. I finally got tired of being a loser at the age of 45 and finally took the cotton out of my ears and stuck it in my mouth. How helpful and rewarding it has been to learn from others experiences for the past 9 yrs.. Chaz

Thanks guys for the comforting words and the interesting info about your regrets.  Marmalade, it's not that simple with my daughter.  I wish I could do what you suggest, but I can't because she lives with her father not me, she won't visit with me, she's bi polar,  there is a list of problems that go on and on.    I miss her desperately.  I just have to trust that it will work out for the best in the end--I have no other choice.  

I regret that at 18 I didn't have a crystal ball to tell me what mistakes not to make in my life. I wouldn't want to know my future, I just wish I would have had Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder telling me, "NO, not that guy. Take my word for it. Please!"

This is a tough question because although I would have made different choices if I knew then what I knew now my life experiences continue to make me a better more compassionate person. I wished I'd gotten my masters so I could be more marketable in the job market but I wasn't ready then and I am now, so now I'm off to graduate school. All my choices have left me where I am now with two super kids that love me and basically a good life. Of course I would have loved to have had a better marriage but I didn't but if I regretted marrying this man I would have never met our children. My only regret would be that I wish in my younger years I could be the person I am now, more patient, understanding and comfortable in my own skin but I truly think those things come as we live life. C'est la vie!

I regret making some of the choices I did as a teenager. I regert dropping out of school> Wish I would have went to college. I regret marrying my first AND second husband. I know I would not have the same children right now( because I would not have married their Dad) > I do not regret them though. I would NOT trade them for anything.
I regret making other choices about the men in my life. I regret seeing the man I am now. He has caused so much drama and stress in my life. Huge regret.

Oh wait a minute I meant Erica...sorry Paula, what a ditz tonight... been a tremendous crazy day!!! Peace to you both.  And Erica I meant every word.

Paula,
You are a good mother because you are a good person.  Never feel she could do better as your child.  If you feel like that, than I am sure there are moments and things about your everyday life you can tweak or at least what you think she missed out on, do something with her or for her to replace what you felt you deprived her of.  I am a mom and I know it is very hard sometimes.  I am not wealthy but I give my daughter what money can't buy, love, acceptance and a really strong sense of stability because she is my joy and knows I will never turn my back on her.  You love your daughter I am sure, just love you and you will feel like you love her even more for the person she has helped you become.  Everyday we grow and learn about life and kids seem to be the best teachers sometimes.  I wish I could hold your hand and shake you a little silly to make you see that you are very very special.  We all are.  Sorry this is so darn emotional.  You touched me deeply with what you wrote and I'm a complete mush.

I wish I listened to myself.  When I met my husband, I was head over heels for the man....absolutely starry eyed and couldn't believe he wanted me.   Yet as years went on, little fibs become little lies, than the white ones turned into black ones and then they evasiveness until I couldn't see past them.  This was all before we actually married.  He asked five times before I said yes, I knew he was not all he tried to seem.  Yet I loved him and wanted to help him trust me and himself to be more honest.  Finally I gave in, planned my wedding which was only 45 guests and a luncheon since it was our second time around...on the second day of our honeymoon, something he said set me off and I walked the beautiful island complex till three in the morning sobbing and grieving my actually marriage!!!  He thinks I am completely irrational and that I have problems....well yeah I do.  The problems are that I wished I married a man with some integrity and a conscience.  He lies about almost everything and to everyone we are close to.  Why did I not listen to my senses.  They were screaming "RUN"!!!!!!!   I feel very foolish.

this was a really honest list and i'm sure not easy to admit to the last regret.  i bet you're not alone with this list of regrets.