Tired of ot ALL

I have been with my spouse for about eleven years. 5 of them being married. from the beginning i have stressed my view on porn via internet, mags, etc. to me it is the same as cheating. him and i own a small business and work together alot. over the past 11 years i have found this at work three times and home once. he at first tries to blame it on someone else, but eventually comes clean about 2 days later. he always tells me he won't do it again, bla, bla bla. he says sorry but i can tell it is not real. I recently found out that he went to visit his son and stayed up drinking with a group of college girls all night. which i feel is very inappropriate hanging out with his son is one thing, but in the wee hours of the night? I can get past the porn problem, but i can't seem to trust him at all anymore because he las lied some many times and went behind my back doing something he knew would hurt me!! plus i feel like if he repeatedly can do that, what is to say he wouldn't try something "while visiting his son?" lisa

by makaroni 1 Post
Posted on 8/21/2008 8:30 AM

Get Alerts!

send to friend

Send to a friend

Tired of ot ALL on divorce360.com

E-mail: Separate multiple addresses with commas(,)

From (Your name) :

Your e-mail address:

0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Tags:

Answers for "Tired of ot ALL" (3) (You must be logged in to answer)

THAT
IS
MEN
AND
MEANINGLESS
SEX

by shelbee 40 Posts
Posted on 5/1/2009 11:27 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Does this man have friendships outside the father son bond?
How much time do you spend with your son as a mother?
Is there much talk about morals and or values between you all
When does a family in these times make the effort to sit down for
a meal and talk it out...

And why do mean enjoy meaningless sex-yuck!?Never seems to end does it?

by shelbee 40 Posts
Posted on 5/1/2009 11:26 PM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

I'm in about the same boat as your husband. If all he lies about are things you object to but he thinks are OK, the match is about 100% (in this area, anyway). But I sure hope there's more going on than just that if you are seriously considering leaving as an option.

I'm neither condoning nor condeming either porn or staying up all night with your son drinking (whether with girls or guys as company). I suspect those aren't the real issue; seeing things from my side of the fence, I think it's the dynamic between you.

Question for you...aside from your feeling it's inappropriate, and your reaction to finding out, what was the impact on your relationship from the "out all night drinking with college girls" incident? Or, for that matter, of his viewing porn 4 times over 11 years (probably a lot more than that, actually)?

From what you said, it looks to me like you're setting boundaries on his behavior that he doesn't agree with. Even if he has best intentions of complying, every now and then (or perhaps more often) he'll cross those boundaries because, from his perspective, it's a "don't care/zero impact" thing. And when that happens, he'll "lie" about it (either say nothing or try to cover it up) because he knows if you find out you'll be upset (for no reason, from his perspective).

For me, I can't buy into some of the boundaries my wife is setting / has set, and it's probably going to lead us to divorce in the near future. For example, I can't wear a ring bought during a prior marriage. I picked it out but "my wife paid for it" (meaning, from my perspective, I paid for it, since I earned 85% of the money). But it annoys her so much she can't stand to see it on my finger! Please explain to me how my wearing this ring impacts our relationship (other than her reaction).

I'm not saying that matches your issues; just sounds similar.

Keep posting (ranting/venting/rambling)...it helps!

by jhs 555 Posts
Posted on 8/21/2008 8:58 AM

	0	Flag item :: Why are you flagging item: Submit \| Cancel

Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.