sign in | join
My story (I'll try to keep it short)
Married 9 years, about to move into our 2nd home. Husband decides "He doesn't love me naymore and wants out before we move" I am shocked offered to go to counselling he refused said it "was over" That was February. I didn't understand why it came so abruptly. No signs prior. WE WERE BUYING A BIGGER NICER HOUSE! He becomes verbally abusive mean and nasty after he leaves. He turned into a stranger. I didn't know why. He saw the kids as often as he wanted. I fought nothing. Find out in July he had a girlfriend for over a year. No signs because they hung out on his lunch break at work.
Ok, so I get over that he left, get over that he had a girlfriend (sort of the ego was hit hard plus why would he buy a bigger house with me, How could he come home to his wife and kids after being with her?) Get over I was a SAHM.
The kicker and what gets me angry is that he's being mean and nasty. He got a order of protection AGAINST me. Because I screamed in his face when I found out he had a girlfriend. I would be fine if he would walk off in the sunset with this girl but No. He's fighting for full custody of our 4 and 7 year old, even he takes the kids overnight for 2 nights a week now. Not good enough for him. He gives me exactly what the state states to give in Child support but gives nothing to the mortgage, clothes, food, extra curriular activities,. school etc.... I found a full job job but I make a 1/3 of what he makes.
Lawyer fees are through the roof because he will not settle on anything. I do not think it is the best interest of the kids to be split. They are too young. DUring he summer he saw them 2 overnights visits a week and sometimes would take them to dinner. I beleive during school months every other weekend and dinner visits throughout the week is fair. He lives 45 minutes away. My kids shouldn;t have to get up that early to go to school. ALso they lived here their whole life and have friends here. But he wants them in his basement apartment all to himself. They don't play with anyone in his apt. He justs wants to take them for his own emotional needs. He tells my kids 'When you trun 14 my lawyer said you can live with me" He doesn' take them to scheduled birthday parties or extra curricular activies because "It's my time iwth them and I decide" That is fine but THEY WANT TO GO!! He says "I'll let them decide" NO, they don't want to decide between you and their friends. They feel guilty. They don't want to disappoint you!!!! ARRGHHH!
My STBX was being awful about seeing the kids because of something I did the day I walked out. Everytime I would ask to see them, he came up with some excuse why I couldn;t- or I could go to his mother's to be with them. I held out and got an agreement yesterday- hammered out by the lawyers- where we will share custody. And, I don't have to pay child support (I make 1/3 of what he does- and I'm a student trying to get my degree). Ha ha ha! Now, he can't say I can't have them!I only say all this because mine was being so difficult and icky- I felt I wasn't going to get anything. I let my attorney take care of it (The man is a scrapper- his is not- she's more of a negotiator) and he took good care of me. I know we can't all go lawyer shopping- that can get expensive. But- I spent 2 hours talking to him before I took him on. I had such a good feeling about him and it's paid off.
I don't think men can handle it when we fuss at them- esp if it's never happened in the relationship before. I think it hurts their egos. Mine had a TRO (which is standard) and one of the things was I couldn't raise my voice to him. So, I filed one back- with the same stipulation. The quiet, easy going man I married became a jerk towards the end- Mr Hyde to his once Dr Jekkyl self. I know you think your STBX can do all sorts of stuff to you with the kids, but take heart- if they are still with you, they will stay with you. For some reason, some people like to play head games. The kids are young now- but they will remember all of this. They will get to the poin tthey will see right through what he is trying to do to them. Every person I've talked to who has been through this says that it will backfire in the end.