Reveal cheating or not in court

Having been the cheated on spouse, I have very little sympathy for you. I do cry for your son.
 
 
You say your stbx is abusive. Is it physical or emotional. Did he ever harm the kid. What kind of father is he. Is the child really in danger from him. This is all about your child. As my wife continues to tell me, put aside all of your personal feelings and do what is best for your son.
 
Is joint custody not an option because of the abuse or because of some other personal reason or issue?

If you truly believe the child is in danger then as a parent I would do anything in my power to keep him away from danger.

If you have time before submitting paperwork... 

If your stbx is abusive he needs help. Start sending him sites regarding indicators of abuse. Maybe he will read them and realize what he has done and who is he and why. Maybe he will talk. Then you may be able to deal with a less angry and abusive person when you tell him you had an affair. He may not be able to forget but he may be able to forgive and you may be able to forgive your self as well. And then maybe you guys can actually work together to raise a son who does not need to be caught up in the middle of two people who have issues to work out.  A lot of maybes I know but real communication is needed when kids are involved.
Here is one site. There are a ton of others.  http://www.abusivelove.com/AbusiveLove_6_1.htm

Careful here...look at what happened to Bill Clinton.  If you lie, you might get away with it.  OTOH, if you left any kind of paper trail and your husband's attorney has a PI look into it, and the truth comes out later, in court, it could be disastrous for you.  Judges tend to frown down on that kind of thing.

If it were me, I'd be honest.  Take your attorney's advice, admit to only what you have to admit to be telling the truth...but again, be careful...Clinton tried to get everyone hung up on the definition of is...you saw how well that went over.

I hope that helps.  Good luck.

I'm not really sure what to tell you.  I am in the middle of a divorce myself and I have a "relationship" with a man I love very much.  The thing is- we've never met.  My husband does know about it- and it's part of the reason we are separated.  (it's a long drawn out story about how it all happened to begin with).  I, at times, get afraid it will come up- but, like I said- there has been no physical contact. 

I'm not sure what the law is on cheating and custody.  In fact, I'm not sure how it would or should affect your custody.  I do know of a lady who did have an affair but got custody of 3 of her 4 kids.  I think you are really more afraid of your spouse finding out then losing custody.  (I could be wrong).  If he doesn't know about it, don't be afraid to tell your attorney because by law your attorney can't tell anyone.  The whole point of those questionaires is to be totally honest with your attorney in case someone brings it up.  You realy don't want to surprise him at the last minute when you go to court.

I have ask my lawyer and she says that she cant tell me to lie but.... So again I am feeling really stuck at the moment. She says that in the court room to say it was simply sex not an affair but at the moment I am still debating as to what to put down. I am wanting to try for a settlement because if I turn these papers in I know he will get spiteful. I dont want this drug out all I want is to settle and try to get custody of my son. I guess what I am curious about is what other people would do in my situation how would they handle it.

I have no advice from experience but wonder if this is a question you should run by your attorney.