spousal support and division of assets

This is my first time posting, I hope someone can offer advice. I'm affraid it's a bit lengthy: CA resident, married just shy of 16 years with two kids. I have been a stay at home mom for about 10 years. Husband moved out three weeks ago and does not know when he will file for divorce. Our principal assets are his 401(K) with about $100K, SEP IRA with about 28K, a rental property with about 500K equity and a residence with 70K equity. I would also want half his Social Security when the time comes. His income is 4 or 5 times what I might earn based on my last job (his: $165K, mine: 30-40K). He wants to give 2K in child support and another 1K in alimony per month. He hasn't said how long he'll pay alimony. He will also help pay for kids' college.

I have no idea how fair this is. Can anyone advise? He says he could make this difficult and just sell everything and split it 50/50. He claims he is taking on all debt. I could not afford the mortgage on our current residence anyway unless he helps out more with alimony/child support. Our rental is about half the size of our current home.

Am I giving up too much by returning to work and downsizing our residence by half? I really want to keep home and retirement as it would be difficult for me to purchase property on my own and at 40+years it's a bit late starting a retirement fund.

He says he wants to be amicable and fair and prefers mediation. He wants to "give" me rental home where I would live with our children (we will share custody 50/50). He expects me to return to work and pay the current monthly mortgage. He would keep our current residence (where he has moved out) and either sell/rent/keep and get roommates). He wants to keep the 401(K) and SEP IRA and pay 32K in credit cards.

Any comments?

by sy 34 Posts
Posted on 8/16/2008 8:26 PM

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Answers for "spousal support and division of assets" (5) (You must be logged in to answer)

bear in mind something on the home situation - being out of work for so long, you may not even be able to get financing to be able to carry a mortgage, so you maybe forced to sell homes and take the equity to be able to re-settle into something you can afford (even if it is a rental until you build up your credit) or work out a deal where he pays the mortgage for x period of time in lieu of part of the alimony until you can take over the home yourself...like I said, get representation - either he is clueless as to what you can or can't do in this offer he made to you, or he is trying to screw you over....

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 8/22/2008 4:24 PM

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don't get a job until you absolutely positively are required to.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 8/22/2008 4:20 PM

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Thank you numbertwo and spaznskits for taking the time and interest to give me feedback. I am slowly realizing that he has been misrepresenting himself, his feelings, his activities and his interests. I am so confused! I have lost trust in my own judgement. All I know is that something doesn't feel right, that things aren't as they seem. I am nervous about what I let him know I feel/suspect/know yet I don't think I know the half of what I should about him.

I just don't feel I should trust anything that he suggests without understanding that there may be some self-interest at play. He wants me to get a job but doesn't know when he'll file for divorce. Could getting a job before he files hurt my/my children's interest?

I would be most apreciative of input please.

by sy 34 Posts
Posted on 8/18/2008 6:01 PM

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Yes, I agree with spaznskitz above. I make less than half of what he makes and I have been paying $1,600 for several years. You would be better off to split the debt and the assets. Yes, it is more painful but you will come out allot better than you are at your current pace. Good luck.

by Numbertwo 3 Posts
Posted on 8/18/2008 3:27 PM

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um, yeah, he wants mediation because you don't know what you are entitled to and he can fleece you.

No, it isn't fair - you have been out of work for 10 years, you won't be able to make enough to cover a mortgage, and only $1000 in maintenace with his salary? That isn't fair. And the whole "don't know how long he will pay alimony" - pfft...what if he pays you one month then never again? You are entitled to half the 401K & IRA - and half the value of the homes. What he wants to retain far outweighs the debt even if he took it all on.

Hire an attorney please.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 8/18/2008 10:36 AM

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