A question about sex after divorce

My STBX initiated the divorce because she has been having an affair for the past 9 months.  I ended up hitting the sack with someone last month, and ended up spending the weekend with her. I know it's way too soon, but it felt so good just to touch someones skin.  We ended up in bed 90% of the weekend, and it was way intense. In fact, it was the MOST intense experience I've ever had, and that really surprised me, because I thought my STBX and I had a great sex life. Anyway, I know it was the wrong thing to do, but when I think of what my STBX has been doing, I don't really feel ashamed by it all. I dunno...

If it makes you feel any better, I've been married 8 years, haven't had sex in 4 years and the divorce process will take another year (I have residency restrictions because I just moved) so I'll be looking at FIVE YEARS before I can even THINK about the horizontal mambo. lol. 
Yeah, yeah, I could do it now...but I'm kinda afraid.  It's like it's been so long I don't even know HOW to do it anymore!  Ha!

You are not a freak.  There is nothing wrong with waiting for the right time and the right person.  Maybe life would be less complicated if more people did that!  I am in a different situation, but in an odd way I relate to your longing for intimacy.  I am still married and still have sex with my husband, although not very often.  The last word that I would use to describe it is intimate.  What I miss is what we do not have-affection.  I think it is good that you have standards instead of being too quick to get sexually involved with someone new.  This will sound corny, but when that special someone does come along, I think that you will know and will appreciate it more.

Two and a half years?  Ruby, you're barely out of the starting gate.  Some of us out here have gone a LOT longer.  (Not that we want to.)

Check out this thread by elane.

Thanks so much for all your responses--you made my day and made me feel less of a weirdo. I know in my heart that I need to wait until I find the right person but sometimes I find myself comparing myself to people (my best friend met the man of her dreams two months after she split from her ex-husband and it seems my other friends who are divorced had an easier time getting back in the saddle, so to speak.)
Paula1, get a load of this: my ex-husband is currently dating his (former) best friends wife. Needless to say, there's a lot of drama in his life. Although I wish him the best (wow, I never thought I'd ever be able to say that), I'm thinking, glad it's not me.  Best to you all.

No, you are not a freak. My stbx has been gone for over a year and we were not intimate for sometime before he left. I was sick and he demanded and when I wouldn't give him what he wanted he got mad,very mad. So for me, i couldn't be intimate with someone who treated me like I was obliged to fill his needs at the risk of my own health. I want to make love to someone, not just have sex. I want to feel all those warm fuzzy feelings that go along with giving yourself totally to another human being. Hell, if wanted sex, I could do that with any man. But that is not fulfilling to me. It sounds to me that you are kinds feeling the same way. You are longing for that intimacy and not just that quick release. The right person will come along and when the time is right you will know it. Don't worry about what your friends say, do what is right in your heart.

No not a freak at all...funny, that you posted this blog because last night i was just talking about this with my sister....its only been 2 1/2 months for me since we have been seperated and i think about sex a good bit (you see, me and the stbx had a very nice sexually relationship....we got along better in the bed than anywhere else)......I think how it would be with someone else but I dont think I could go there for a long time.....I miss him that way.....very badly.....


So, no you are not a freak....other women i am sure are faced with the same feelings as you...or similar ones.....you will know when you are ready!

I don't think you're a freak, by any means!  No matter how long it's been, I think the most important thing for you is to have sex on your terms...with someone you are comfortable, in a time frame that is comfortable for you.  

Being a very sexual person myself, I understand how important it is and truthfully, I don't always need the "connection" to enjoy sex and could never judge someone for needing some 'no strings attached' sex.  But I also understand how great sex can be when the emotions are right! 

If you desire to have a certain level of intimacy before sleeping with someone, then you should wait for that to happen.  There are "other" ways of managing until then (if you catch my drift) and while they may not be as good as the real deal, you won't have to deal with the guilt of having sex at the wrong time or with the wrong person.

No need to worry...there is nothing wrong with you b/c of this situation.  When it's right, it will happen!  Good luck and have fun!!  ;)

i don't think you're a freak at all.  what's wrong with waiting until you meet someone you like?  sounds like your ex has been 'playing the field'.....have any of those relationships lasted?