how do you heal from a person who has lied to you for 23 years

Dear conehead and friends-
If they'll do it for you, then they'll do it to you!  Cheaters, they usually don't change their stripes easily.

debbiemartini- loved the prose, girl!

DNM

its been over 4 years, at first when i found out about her, i was devistated, self blamed, because he laid all blame onto me.i believed it at first, my self worth was so low, i felt i was nothing. but now 4 years has passed, i remarried, got my self worth back,and now my ex is trying to find me by getting an uncle who is in law enforcement to track me down.all must not have worked out for him. i did not wnat the divorce, but when someone betrays u, and chooses another over u, its impossibble to ever go back and feel the same about that person. after awhile one will realiaze that this person who hurt them has no more power, and never did have it. it all lies in ones self worth and not in that this person left and chose someone else over u.my advice would be not to invest any more in a cheater, because it just erodes ones ego and self esteem. to protect ones ego they have to get out of any relationship where someone deliberetly hurts u.

Wow your post reminded me so much of my husband I just left. He was supposed to be my one and only, and in spite of all of his lies and cheating, I do still have strong feelings for him. It's like outside of his infidelity (sexual addiction), he would be the perfect husband.

I am like you, in that when he texts or calls, I go from being angry to a marshmallow, and feel guilty for not calling or texting him back. Sometimes I feel sorry for him, his sex/love addiction is stronger than he is. It is a result of his low self-esteem, even though he comes across to everyone as Mr. Tough Cop. He refuses to get help. This is his outlet just like a drug user or alcoholic. It feels too good to stop.

I still believe that deep down he loved me, despite his addiction, but when he refused to even touch me for the last few years, I'm not sure what happened.

It's hard not to take it personally and start wondering what is wrong with YOU. I do it so much. Many days I feel strong, then I start questioning myself again, wondering why he can't just be happy with me, or at least still want me in some fashion.

I got to the point I knew when he was lying, even though he would deny it. He became so defensive and would tell more lies to cover them up, so I got to where I didn't even ask questions, because I knew I would never get the truth. How is it I still love this man and am having such a hard time detaching from him?