Yeah, but the thing is, when you are married, if you have actually made the commitment, it will never be the same as just meeting someone as a single because of that commitment, and, yes, because of your history.  I can't imagine ever being tempted like that - yes, I loved my husband, but even loving someone is a choice.  It was totally out of the question for me.

I am impressed with how you tried to understand how she felt and that you just wanted her to be happy.  Once you fall in love with someone it is hard to stay away.  But...I also believe that marriage is a commitment for life and that it takes work.  That means the option of someone else is non-existent. You need to keep things fresh and fun.  Your wife's  "new relationship" will grow stale as well and whats the answer then?  Another divorce? 
I think your very mature and we all should learn a little bit from your blog.

^5 for you!!!! I say you need to move on and get her out of your system......This is no way to be loved, to be 2nd....You deserve all the happiness you can find in your new life without her....

I have never been in that situation....I would hope that I could stop. I would at least try like heck.
I have tried in both marriages to prevent that and even prevent people thinking I might be.

My husband and I began this "collaborative" divorce in January, we are not legally separated and still live in the same house with our son.  I found out this week that he's been having a relationship with one married woman who lives out of town and one woman who lives here --- probably for three years.  He's been such a jerk about support after 27 years that I will be bringing up the fact that he has spent marital assets on these women and I want it back.  He doesn't know I know and I'll bring it up at the next four way meeting.  I guess I have already let go of him because of the betrayal.  I had opportunity to cheat on him and chose not to - so he had that choice too.  Although we will live together until the house sells, which may be forever in this market, after I bring this out in the open he is welcome to them.  I won't cheat just because he is nor will I date until things are legally finished - my choice for the kids.  Do what's in your heart - you sure don't want to beat yourself up so if you can move on now do it.  It isn't worth the heartache.