sugbear,
I am sorry for your recent discovers.  It took me a while to truly find out what was happening in my situation and it took alot longer to get over it.  I have a very young child (just born when this happened) so I knew I had to come to grips quickly.  try hard to focus on other things and if need be get a anti-depressant for a short period just to help you through the day to day routines.   Life with change, friends will change and one day you will get on with things.  You will never forget, but need to try to forgive else you will get stuck feeling as you do now. It is a hard road, but try try try to get past the situation.  THink of your ex as being a very weak person that can't face situations and that is not the type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with.  THink of him as someone without morals or a backbone and maybe you will realize, you are better in the long haul.  Be careful if you date and try not to date the "same type of person".  This is really hard, but you have to figure out the type of person you are attracted to and try to change it so it can't happen again.  Anyway, good luck.

I hired a PI to investigate my husband.  I had followed the "girlfriend" to see where she lived from church one sunday.  She went to his apartment, walked in without knocking.  I stayed and watched, went home for the camera, came back and watched until she left 12 hours later at 2:30 am.  Knowing it was only my word (and pictures) against his, I hired the PI.  I did my own research as well.  You can find out anything on the internet. I found her email address, a motorcycle group she belonged to and posted on (got right into it too), and even found her online photo bucket account.  Lo and behold!  Three pictures of them in New York!  The trip he had promised his daughter to meet and attend plays.  The same city one of our sons' lives in and he did not call him.  The same trip we were supposed to have gone on. In addition and just for good measure, I have pictures and videos with documentation from the PI.  I will tell you now that I know your pain!  I cryed for months.  Time is the healer.  For me, it is taking a long time.  The best way to help you progress is to not look at them.  I am keeping all of my documentation, but will no longer read or look at it.  Put it up----and bring joyful things and activities into your life as much as possible to take your mind off of him.  Good luck!

Thanks for the kind advice everyone give now i dont feel like i am in this alone.I have been doing good for the last couple of days.

Sugarbear~
I have found that there are 'no shortcuts' to getting over the hurt....This is a bridge we must walk over, believe me, if I could have jumped this bridge and not dealt with the overwhelming times of sadness I would have...It has been 5 mos for me now, and I am still dealing with the hurt, but like Trisha says, it does get easier...And we learn from going through these phases....I have not sought counceling, but coming here, and trusting in God has helped me alot.
When I moved out of our home, I looked through pictures I had on my computer, and noticed back in the fall he stopped wearing his ring...He said he lost it, but now I know he just took it off and never put it back on....
You will get throught this, and grieving mourning is all part of the process....I think death is many ways is better because in dealth, they don't want to leave you....But in divorce they do, and that to me makes it harder....Just know that here, people care.....And are here to help one another....

I am so sorry that you have to be going through this also.  It has been 4 months for me.  I didn't have pictures but I found emails of him talking about hooking up with her.    How he wanted to have sex with her in his office. He told me that he didn't love me anymore and that he wanted to see a counselor to figure out what was going on.  I asked him several times is there someone else and he lied to my face and said no.  So I did some snooping and figured out his password.   We have been married for 18 years together for 24.  Top it all off he is a Karate instructor and spouts to his students about commitment, honesty, respecting your family etc.  I guess he didn't hear his own instructions. The pain is unbearable at times. I lost my father when I was in my twenties and this pain is 100x worse.  Some days are better than others, but it is a slippery slope you go up the hill a little and fall back down but next time up the hill you get a little further than the last.  Find a support group in your area and find a counselor or therapist they help. Good luck and stock up on tissues.