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what do i do ?

i have been married to my wife for 24 years , we have been thru alot for any couple to take, the fights always seem to be a way for her to strike at me any way she can , my wife came from a bad home where she was repeadly abbused and raped  by her father and others .  it has been real hard for me to deal with her mood swings , and the anger that now seems to be directed to me . i have retreated to somtimes hiding from the world

 

       the other day i found out that she had sex with another man , and rather than confront me she left . because of her moods we havent had sex in 2 years . this girl is , and always will be the love of my life . we have both discussed it , and decided on a divorce . am i doing the right thing ?????????
by conehead    7 Posts   
Posted on 7/26/2008 4:41 PM    
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Answers for "what do i do ? "  (7) (You must be logged in to answer)
yes u are doing what is right. u cannot fix this, or go back and ever feel the same feelings as u once did. love just isn't enough to hold a relationship where betrayal has happened together.would u rather have it hurt for awhile, or continue for years with the same stuff. u weren't the one who cheated, and if she is shwoing no remorse, its time to move on with your dignity and show her she can't hurt u like this and get away with it.when someone we love does this to us, it shakes our world, but in time u will get your life back, only if u decide to get rid of the problem.
by pattyk   7 Posts
Posted on 8/23/2008 3:41 PM
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Cone, I spent many years trying to help change and heal the man I thought was mine forever.  The problem with that is you will lose yourself.  Which, I see you are already doing.  We are supposed be joined as one, complimenting and completing each other.  If she doesn't make you a "better you" but only causes you to hide from being yourself and being happy.........it's time to go.  As sad as it is, it is the truth.  You can't change someone who doesn't want to be changed.  Let go, you are not responsible for her past only her present and your future.  Good luck.  It isn't an easy road, but I will tell you this much, getting the "real you" back is fantastic.
by Rache   37 Posts
Posted on 7/26/2008 11:53 PM
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I'm no psychologist, but it sounds like she has a tremendous amount of anger, probably toward all men, but directed at you because you are the most vulnerable to her.  Has she had counseling for the abuse she took as a child?  She probably needs a great deal of it.  Is it possible the she slept with someone else just to hurt you, and symbolically all men?  Like I said, I'm no expert, but it sounds like she needs help.
by 2much42long   567 Posts
Posted on 7/26/2008 10:14 PM
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Cone, your wife needs individual therapy for what has happened to her. Did she ever get that or is she?  Your a good man for staying and helping her. But abuse leaves deep wounds and is sometimes the reason for the cheating.
If you can truly forgive and she truly wants to keep her marriage its gonna take a lot of work from both of you to deal, accept and work on your marriage and most important her abuse, otherwise it will continue to be an underlying problem in your lives .
Good luck to you.
by asim   773 Posts
Posted on 7/26/2008 10:12 PM
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Maybe you are confused because your heart is telling you to stay and your mind is telling you to go. I pretty much go through this on a daily basis.
Best wishes on whatever you decide!
by RichBrewer   214 Posts
Posted on 7/26/2008 10:03 PM
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this was my first thought , i was , and am realy hurt . and want to get it over asap . , but as time goes on , im having second thoughts . i realy love her . but i am repulsed that she has slept with sombody else im realy mixed up as what to do
by conehead   7 Posts
Posted on 7/26/2008 6:38 PM
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