I learned from minoring in psychologists that there is only one thing that will have a lasting impact on your emotional health.  That is interpersonal relationships.  Your new house, your promotion, finishing your first marathon...  the most that stuff will buy you is about 6 months.  If you take a "professional" personality survey your answers will eventually go right back to where they were before.  But add an interpersonal relationship, a significant other, a close friend, a child, and your responses will reflect a genuine improvement.  (You have to allow for religion in here somewhere as well.  That also does it.  Some would say you're haveing an interpersonal relationship with God.  OK sure, that works for me.)

Now here's my problem.  The interpersonal relationship I needed was my wife.  And she's gone now.  After having tried to date a few times and finding no one else even close, I've decided to be content with being my own man for a while.  I would enjoy a relationship but I'm also rediscovering my own independance, together with things like weekends. 

Sure, I miss sex.  ...  A lot actually.  So what does that leave?  I'm looking for a "freind with benefits".  A lover with her own life.  A sex kitten.  Well gee, that just sounds like all 31 flavors of healthy now doesn't it?  Call it a want, call it a need, but call it off for now.  I have 3 small boys who definately NEED me right now.  Their confused (their mom has been exploring her own "needs" right in front of them), lost, and very hurt.  So daddy won't be springing any new surprises on them.  Given a choice between a woman to fill the gap, or my boys emotional health ... well that's what my daddy would have called a "no-brainer".

I thought I didnt want OR need a man in my life. I had a decent job, healthy, happy & well rounded children. I was happy with my life how I functioned and how I looked and then I made a fatefull phone call. Not long after that I realized I did WANT and NEED that person in my life.  I laughed harder & longer. I smiled more than usual. My kids thrived on the affection and attention they recieved as well.  Generally all was better all around.  All though now I regret certain things in that relationship. I do know I did what I was sapose to do and I remained there & faithfull at all times, ready when I was needed and wanted.  Too bad he didnt feel the same. He also turned to the wrong people and single friends.  Some day he may grow up and realize but I will take care of my own wants and needs. Yes I do want a man in my life and I do need love (emotional and physical)  What I have felt up to these last few months have made me a better person.  As I said, I laughed, smiled and enjoyed life so much more.  I love to watch my kids play but now there is a little spot if you look into their eyes..... the sparkle is no longer there. I want the sparkles and all that goes with it. I need that. It depends on who you are, If you NEED love, then you got love to offer.....If you Just want love...maybe you just want to fill a viod in your heart. If you want & need it who knows? Maybe you have a pure heart or maybe you are just screwed up.