The Roller Coaster of Ups and Downs....

Okay it has been 3 months since my divorce was final. My ex cheated on me with my son's daycare teacher. He is still with her. The kids spend almost 1/2 of their time with their dad (he is a good father...will give him that). Anyway during that time they sometimes spend time with her (the girlfriend who he cheated on me with). Anyway this woman is now being introduced to his parents and family....going to family functions, etc. Doing all of the stuff that I used to go to obviously. Anyway it sucks, it hurts, it angers me. I mean believe me I want nothing to do with my ex for I dont miss him at all, but I still have days where I miss the family unit that we had, I miss his family, and I miss the friends that we had that he had from years back. I feel like I am just being replaced in all aspects and being replaced quickly. So we have two small kids and it still upsets me to think they are around this woman who helped break up our marriage. I see more and more of her stuff in his townhome and it is upsetting for a part of me thinks she will move in soon. I can't imagine dealing with that. The weird part in all of this is that I have moved on and I am currently in a wonderful relationship with a man who treats me as I have always wanted to be treated. I am so happy with him, but I still have times where the family unit and the girlfriend things just drive me insane (like now). I have been in a rut for about a week now. How long is this up and down going to exist? Will I still have times like this months or even years from now?

by JLK 303 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 8:56 AM

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Answers for "The Roller Coaster of Ups and Downs...." (6) (You must be logged in to answer)

that is horrible mtnvly. i can't believe they said it was only for family. they are tainted and have issues...not you. i guess i was lucky. my mother in law told me from the start of the divorce proceedings that i would alway be her daugher in law. my exs grandmother passed away while we were separated and getting the divorce and my mother in law called me personally to say she wanted me at the funeral...and as hard it was to see the extended family i went. people just react weird. i know my mother and father in law know my ex cheated on me and they know i am a good person (so i think they feel bad in some respect which is why they keep in touch)....plus i can tell they enjoyed my company through the years. my mother in law said i was the daughter that she always wanted (she had three boys). it is just hard to think about his family and not being with them. plus the girlfriend (the one who he cheated on me with is there around my kids too....it sucks!)

by JLK 303 Posts
Posted on 7/17/2008 8:41 AM

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Yeah, I feel the same about missing the family connection. It will be interesting when Thanksgiving and Christmas rolls around. We always went to his sister's house with the rest of the family for Tgiving breakfast, and for 24+ yrs. to his parent's house for a family gathering on Cmas eve for a gift exchange. I know I'm going to be crushed, as is his family. They are all upset about all of this... One day at a time.

by Larters 129 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 11:06 PM

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I remember being real hurt when my ex mother in law said that my ex's grandfathers funeral was for family only. We actually were still married and trying to reconcile. I said something to him and he backed her on it. I know I was hurt....
But I ran into him , his fiance and his mother at a cook out recently. Needless to say I wanted to see what she looked like and she is a pretty woman. He was obnoxious..as he can be often.
Anyway..it will get easier. I promise you. If you were close to them maybe you can still at least visit occasionally. The problem is that he may make them feel bad.
I think you still care about him somewhat and it hurts you. Again I say , it will get easier. Hang tough...!

by mtnvly 2302 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 3:21 PM

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Yes missing the family is one of the hardest things to do....and his family loves me....and they still do. They email me, tey even drove to see me during the holidays and bought me gifts. Also got a card for Mother's Day, etc. My father in law wants to get together for coffee some time soon too. I think that almost makes it worse....that they do like me and want to keep in touch. It is double edge for it reminds me of what I am missing now. I think the most frustrating thing out of everything is that he made this decision for me. I had no say in it and no matter what I do or think it wont change the fact that we got divorced and have two kids to parent together while being divorced.

by JLK 303 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 1:20 PM

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I feel that is one thing about divorce is that you are not only divorcing your spouse but you are divorcing their family. I will miss my stbx's family.

by shock3177 298 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 1:03 PM

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JLK, I am not where you are right now but I can imagine how you feel. I have a small child and think about what that would be like. Be strong and remember why this was the best thing for you in the first place. One day you may have the same thing with someone new and wonderful. It feels bad right now because he is at a different point than you but when you get there it will feel like you are on top of the world with the right person! You will be okay, think positive and keep busy.

by wow9cats 341 Posts
Posted on 7/16/2008 9:11 AM

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The Roller Coaster of Ups and Downs....