I am SOOOO confused

I feel like I have been in a fog with my husband for years.  And I mean years.  My husband is overbearing and harsh but can be just as sweet and charming as anyone.  It's almost like he flips a switch.  He has been very attentive now that he senses that I might leave him.  I told him that I wanted to live by myself for awhile!  That was very hard for me to say.

I have not been happy for a long time and didn't realize how unhappy I was until I became friends with a single man.  I have always just pushed down my feelings of anxiety towards my husband, beating myself up b/c I was not perfect.  And since meeting this man, I just see a whole new world. 

 Yes, he is just a friend, he won't have much to do with me b/c I am married.  I respect that.  He is so kind and gentle.  It has been an immediate attraction on my part.  I just didn't know there was someone so kind left in the world.  He is the total opposite of my husband.  My husband is always doing something and mad at me if I am not.  I am not neat enough for him and I don't do things good enough for him.  There is an underlying anger that I feel from him.  This man seems to roll with the punches and doesn't get upset over little things like my husband does.

One point of anger is the fact that I have never wanted to have a baby.  I thought it was that I didn't want to have one but after becoming friends with this man, I realize SADLY, that it is because I just did not want to have a baby with him.  His anger and perfectionist nature has been a real roadblock in that department.  I wouldn't want my child to be exposed to that.  I have wasted so many years like this!  Like I said earlier, it is like being in a fog and suddenly having the sun come out.

Anyway, I am so sad b/c I can't seem to leave my hubby.  He would be without insurance and he needs it because he has a cronic condition and meds for it is very high.  (BTW, this condition is caused by being a high strung individual, type A personality).  I am so sad because I see what I have missed and how I have put MYSELF on the back burner for this man that I blindly adored.

And to throw another wrench in the system, there is no sex hardly at ALL.  He has problems in that department.  I used to blame myself but I did get over that.  He got some viagra but he says it makes his heart race and it is uncomfortable for him.  We might have sex once in 6 weeks or so.

Basically, I feel very lonely and sad b/c I feel so trapped in this marriage.  I am going to see about getting some counseling, I know I need it.  Any comments would be appreciated.  And yes, I know an affair is not the answer, and this man won't go there.  He has already told me that several times when I have been weak and wanting his company.  I even told him yesterday that I should not even talk to him so I can make a clear decision.

Anyway, thanks for reading this long drawn out drama!!!  This has been very hard for me to spill the beans like this in a public forum.