all of your comments here have really helped me change my perspective for the better.  i agree...it is worse to be an MIA parent emotionally.  i guess i've just been so caught up in the 'shock' of it all...the 'how could he not pay for his kids to live' thing and totally forgot that being around is far more important. 

but i do think that that there is something wrong/missing (?) with a parent who can (physically, mentally) work to support kids, but refuses to by finding any and all excuses for years.

anyway. thanks. you have all given really great answers and it has really changed how i view all of this now.  thank you.

i'd be interested to see if anyone else has thougths on this issue.

PS.... my "blood dad" was both financial & emotional deadbeat. my mom and dad (yes my step is who I call dad) had a few hard years financialy and any support would have been a big help. BUT in the end I learned alot. I was confused as to where I fit into things and I found it eventualy.  I realized a long time ago that blood don't make a family but love does. But money keeps that family fed and shoes on their feet.

I say BOTH fathers are dead beats and BITH sets of children could be suffering. I have total custody of my girls but they don't miss "blood daddy"  They have always had a positive male role models with in our circle of family & friends. However, I also do NOT recieve child support and I do the best I can. Yes they know this and I don't have to bash "blood daddy" It can be a struggle at times BUT I always try to make sure they have everything they NEED and some of what they WANT.  When good old "blood daddy" decides he wants to see pride & joys....... he can look into his wallet and see what he has left in his life because it sure as hell isn't the love and respect of my girls. They save that for me and that makes any hardships that may come a little easier to deal with.  Being a single parent is not easy but how you handle it is what is important and at times the kids may resent or blame you for what they don't have but when they grow up and realize what it was all about........they will forget about what you couldn't give them as they were growing up. They only see what you DID give them and how hard you worked for them to have it.
GOOD LUCK

I grew up w/out my mom. She sent $ though. All the time. Toys, games, clothes but she never had time for me. I resented that for so many years. You mention that your kids are learning that they have a deadbeat dad. Well, I guess my mom wasn't a deadbeat but she was never there for me. My father never said a bad word about my mother. He said she was a strong woman who loved me. My mother died not too long ago. I got to spend some time with her before she died. My father was right. She did love me. She was just totally screwed up.

I am now divorced. My ex stopped paying child support for a # of yrs. Now he pays on time & paid back what he owed. I never said anything to the kids & never stopped them from seeing their dad.

If I had a choice: I take the involved dad. I would hate for my kids to go through what I went through. In the end, i remember the times I spent with my mom not the tv set my father claims she sent me.

I would rather have a financial deadbeat who spends time with my kids than one who thinks that money will buy them. Their time, just as your time is much more important to them than money. They need you and him....now of course they need their needs provided for ...but emotional needs come first...
That is my opinion ...for what it is worth.