Sorry this is going to be a long story...but I need some input if Im handling this right or not. I'll be amazed if anyone makes it to the bottom of this post :)First, the long story part...Dday, 1.5 years ago (June 08) I found out my wife had an affair with our former mutal boss. We had already left the company 3 years prior (2005) and moved across the country (2007), so this was mostly finding out things from the past. She had been having the affair for 7 years (1998-2005?). It likely ended when we left and moved, though he did contact her to try to meet up right after we arrived in California (2007), though it's not clear if she did or didnt see him at that point (she of course denies that heavily). She has admitted to the affair, and to most of the details.Fast forward 1.5 years later. Still hurting but we had moved on. About 1 month ago I had a gut feeling she was acting a bit suspicious (changing passwords, not putting her phone down, nothing major just a bit odd). We discussed it, the need to be open, she understood, we continued on.Last week - She went on a trip. Again, that gut feeling. A lot of emails to a particular rep she had started traveling to meet for work. A lot of calls. They do indeed work together, just seemed to spike and was so consistent. I asked her before the trip about her plans, and she laid them out (where she was going, her meetings, her hotel, etc). I had trouble reaching her the second night she was away, and when I reached her in her room late, she said she had simply fallen asleep (fair enough). Except she was clearly intoxicated. We discussed her evening, how she got back to the hotel, etc, etc. As the bell rang in my head, I decided to call the hotel back and ask for the sales reps room. He was not checked in at that hotel. Phew I thought, at least that lines up with what she's saying.But the next night when she returned, little things started not matching with what she had said the prior night. So I dug. Her car rental mileage was way over what it should have been, by a ton. She had email arraining dinner with this rep that didnt match her story. She had internet history also arraining a meal she didnt mention. She didnt have a room service charge for the first night she said she ate in her room.I confronted her. She denied, denied, denied. I slowly presented each bit of info. Eventually she gave me a new story.She said she had dinner with this rep at an extremely expensive restaurant. She said she lied in advance of the trip about it because she was worried I would be upset and she wanted to have this dinner (it provided her some social interaction she lacked). She said she lied about how she got back from her business dinner the next night (also with im and others) because she thought I'd be worried. She said she told me he stayed in a different hotel than here because she thought I'd be suspicious if I knew they were in the same hotel.That last part is a problem. He wasnt registered at her hotel. I checked the night she didnt call home.So now what to believe? Her "final story" still doesnt work. But why lie about him having a room at her hotel if he didnt? Maybe he stayed with her and she thought I knew he had been there? Maybe the hotel just screwed up? Maybe he checked in under a different name or some other bizarre situation? Why?So, at a minimum, to at least settle on what her final story is so at least it answers those questions, i asked her to ask him for a copy of his bill. Use the excuse she's arguing with the hotel over her rate and needs his rate to get a discount. Or hell, tell him the truth and she needs to resolve an issue at home. Doesnt matter...our marriage should be a higher priority than some embarrassement with this guy.That was 5 days ago. She has not got a copy of his bill. She hasn't even asked him directly yet. She says she asked his secretary but that's it. Each day, Ive made it clear this is needed. Im on the verge of leaving. We went to a councilor on Monday (4 days ago). The councilor also impressed upon her the importance of settling on the "facts" so we can discuss moving on, and she should do anything and everything to get that hotel info, including a potentially embarrassing conversation with this rep.Today. She left this morning for another trip. He is also there. I've made it clear her actions these next few days will really determine if we stay together. I tell her Im going to leave unless something changes in the next couple of days (she leaves for China on Sunday for a week, so time is of the essence). I tell her I need to feel the sense of urgency and priority on her part that I feel. She goes over her plans. Meetings and dinner with clients until late. The rep will also be there. She says she'll work hard to make sure we get through this.Tonight. It's 1:30 am. No phone call. We spoke at 3pm for a minute and got cut off. That was it.I called her. She says she fell asleep. I can't believe with all of this going on, her understanding Im about to leave her (and she says clearly that she doesnt want that, will do anything, etc, etc), she doesnt even call. And no, she again did not ask him for that hotel bill. After a brief exchange, with her simply saying she fell asleep and not understanding why Im upset, I tell her Im done, and hang up. She calls back, leaves a message saying she'd like to talk.At this point, Im at a loss. I sent her an email tonight (3am) that Im leaving and going through some logistics of what we need to discuss tomorrow when she gets back. I emailed because I still love her, and I feel I need to do what I should have done 1.5 years ago and take that step into the abyss and just leave. My brain knows its what I should do, but my heart and stomach are struggling. Its 15 years of my 39 year old life, and 7 years of marriage Im leaving. Its everything I know. So, if you somehow actually made it through that whole story, and would like to share some advice, perspective, etc, PLEASE feel free. Im I rushing my departure. Should I try to work through it again? If so, how could I ever develop trust. I don't know if another affair actually occurred or not. But the path toward one definitely started, and every agreement about openness and trust since the last has been broken recently. And though she says she wants me to stay, she seems to be in denial the last week. She's not making an effort other than just words.She leaves for China Sunday, so she'll be home for one day and one night then gone for a week. If Im going to leave, it's really the ideal time to do it. I can get everything in order while she's away. She knows this as well. So I feel if Im going to go, nows the time. But is that silly? This is so hard...Thoughts?
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