So confused

It sounds like you need to decide what you need out of your husband and your life right now.  Just remember, you can only control you and your actions...not him and his.

I recommend that you sit down and make a list...all the things you love about your husband and life that you like, and all the things that you are unhappy about.  With that list in mind, then you need to ask yourself what you need to be happy in your life and your marriage.

Once you figure out what you need...and I don't mean want, I mean NEED from him, then you need to go to him and tell him about your unhappiness and tell him why...and tell him what you need from him to make you happy.  Then, you have to decide if he can't/is unable to give that to you, if it's something you can live with...if it is, then you go on...if it isn't, then I'd say you have your answer as to whether or not your marriage can work.

It's not an easy decision...and I wish you luck on this vision quest you're about to embark on.  Keep us posted!

Thanks to all for your comments. I do agree with a lot of what you say.  I never was able to experience having fun and "sowing my wild oats" if you will, and the allure of it is extremely tempting. Yes, my husband is a great man and great father, but there were times that I really needed him emotionally and he was not there, which in turn led to an emotional affair two yrs ago. Things just have not been the same since. We tried marriage counseling for a brief period, but he is very set in his ways and I honestly believe we are on two separate wavelengths. I want to go have adventure and fun. But the things I want to do, he wants nothing to do with. He keeps telling me he wants me to be the way we were when we married, but I was so young and I have definately grown up since then. Part of me wants to start a new life and part of me wants to stay. There is so much I like about him and so much I don't. I just don't know how to work throught this and make the right decision.

I think lifeinpurgatory probably got it right...you married young and have an urge to see what else is out there.  Marriage is hard work...passions fade and the spark goes out of the marriage when you have work and 4 kids.  Life becomes routine...and boring.  It sounds like you want a change of pace and excitement.  I think that's the allure of an affair for you...something new, something exciting...something to break up the routine.

I don't think anyone who's been married can say that their marriage hasn't hit a rut every now and then.  If it's excitement and passion you crave, then it may be time for a second honeymoon...a week away from the kids, just you and your husband.  You may want to talk to your husband about this rut you're in...maybe he feels the same way.  Maybe you can find a way to reintroduce that spark in the marriage.  If you need to, you might want to consider marriage counseling (if he's open to it) or seeing an individual therapist to discuss these urges and see what it is that's missing in your life...once you figure that out, you will be in a better position to figure out what you want to do about it.

I wish you the best of luck in all this...keep us posted!!!

Aww the feeling of lust, excitement, and life with out worries of bills, children or reality of the real world. 
Like you I'm not sure why you want to cheat but you need counseling to help you figure out what you are lacking in yourself. 
Cheating is never an option there are 4 little lives that depend on their mom to take care of them not turn their lives into turmoil. You chose to have them now it is up to you to see that they are safe and secure. 
I know I may sound harsh but cheating is the most selfish act anyone can do to their family. I was married young and did not cheat, yes I had the opportunity to but I could not destroy my family. I never entertained the thought. Just said no I'm married with a family.
Please get counseling to help you through this before you do something that you will regret the rest of your life. 

Having an affair is a CHOICE.  If you CHOOSE to have one, here will be the result:

4 shattered lives of your children
1 devastated life of your spouse
1 lifetime of knowing you caused the wreckage

The decision is yours.  Read some of the stories here.  The wreckage is worse than a hurricane.  The scars are permanent.

Do you and your husband have a date night together?  I bet not.  You need to have a date, dress up, go out, leave the kids with a sitter, have sex in the backseat of your car...At least once a week.  No excuses.

I think lip is right- and I agree that you have a good hubby- take care of that relationship. I am not sure why you are having these feelings- but work on your relationship with him- take a weekend away and rekindle the romance- sometimes that gets lost in the shuffle of a long term relationship and kids etc. Throw some spark into your sex life- maybe the passion is what you are missing and it is totally possible to get it back! You just have to work for it- to have an affair is not worth what you will do to your family- sounds like you have a good one- hang on to him!

I, too, find myself wondering why you're interested in straying.

Perhaps it's time to figure out what, really, it is you want, and why you're willing to jepordize everthing for passion. As was already pointed out, the grass is not greener on the other side, and the amount of turmoil created by divorce cannot be overstated. It's like digging yourself a big hole to climb out of.

Think to yourself, "am I better off married or on my own with the children?"

Not, "am I better off married or being with another man?"

I haven't been in that situation but to me it sounds like you were married so young that you never got to "play the field" and now you're wanting to experience that.  The newness, the excitement, etc.

I'd say if you got a good husband, you'd better stick with him.  As green as the grass may look on the other side, it ain't.  You got (4) children, a lot of men will want you for a minute of passion but not want the responsibility of (4) children.  Go to counseling and figure out how to get these feelings out of your system.  Do not commit adultery, it will destroy you, your husband, your kids well being and all the ugly that comes with an affair.

This is why parents will usually tell their kids not to get married so young.  Play the field first, get your career, get married, have family.  I'm unorthodoxed and do things in mixed order but I tell my two boys "don't get married young!!".  Best to you and your family.