OUCH THIS HURTS

Omg!! I thought honestly when I read your post that I was the one that posted it.. because my husband also had an affiar that I know of lasted two years..to full years!! I know how much your hurting trust me... I forgave him I wanted to save my marriage for my kids sake.  We went to marriage counseling and all but, while at marriage counseling he was still with her... I never really trusted him the same anymore.. I turned into a woman I never wanted to be like checking his phone, texts, checking up on him at wk and see if he was really at the gym.. I hated it!! I didn't want to live my life like that anymore!! i felt i was going crazy!! he never really stopped talking to her and if you read my posts!! i even cought him at her house one time!! to tell you the truth it's never the same anymore but, if you want to forgive him and give you another chance you have to be strong and I mean strong!! I am already at the point now that I am glad I don't feel like I did when I first found out... at first I never thought I would ever get over the hurt that I felt.. but, i have overcomed it I have accepted that it happened me! and that It wasn't my "fault" !! I wish you luck and again read my posts and believe me!! I have changed so much from how I was back then... sometimes I read the posts I posted and I freak out thinking wow I was hurting bad... thinking that my life was over, that I wasn't worth crap!! that no one needed me but not  anymore now I am more confident, more aware and more wise... and of course stronger!!! good luck ok.

"If he were not so self obsessed he would be remorseful instead of vindictive."

What a great observation! Hope you're doing okay.

Thanks to everyone for the responses. I made a decision and move everything out yeasterday. He is completely turning everything around on me and now he is the victem. He is being very nasty about the whole thing, both to me and my family. This just confirms that I am making the right decision by ending it now. If he were not so self obsessed he would be remorseful instead of vindictive. He hasn't even given me a sincere apology. Yesterday while I was packing, my neighbor informed me that he had even made advances toward her. What a pig. At least I won't waste another minute being mistreated and used by that self serving jerk.

Thanks to everyone for the responses. I made a decision and move everything out yeasterday. He is completely turning everything around on me and now he is the victem. He is being very nasty about the whole thing, both to me and my family. This just confirms that I am making the right decision by ending it now. If he were not so self obsessed he would be remorseful instead of vindictive. He hasn't even given me a sincere apology. Yesterday while I was packing, my neighbor informed me that he had even made advances toward her. What a pig. At least I won't waste another minute being mistreated and used by that self serving jerk.

With 2 kids you have a major decision.  It is just as hard to divorce as it is to reconcile.  If you divorce, you will have a whole, whole, whole lot of different problems.  So choose wisely.  If you reconcile for the kids, it will not work as kids are not stupid.  If the parents are unhappy, so are the kids.  This is your defining moment, a moment where your character becomes clear.  The way we handle our problems defines who we are.  Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them.  If he is very unfaithfull///untrustworthy, you must divorce.  However if he is truely repentant (100%), you may take him back, but he would have to build that trust again from scratch.  You are young and you can be happy this knowledge has come to your attention.  You have control of this situation and make your decision and its proceedures as smoothly as you can.  Kids are flexable and will adjust.  You are a fine mother and a fine wife with nothing to be ashamed of.  Rethink your concerns and desires and act accordingly.  You have my thoughts in mind..........Kev

I am so sorry this is happening to you. It is not your fault. He cheated because there is something wrong with him.

Look over some of the other posts on this site. Lots of people had their spouse cheat, the spouse apologized and promised not to do it again. They took the cheater back, only to have them cheat again later.

If it isn't going to work, and with a third party in the picture it can't, then it's better to end it now rather than later.

I wish I had listened to my gut and hired a PI years ago. I now think he cheated on me for years. I suspected but he always denied it. It would have been so much easier for me if I had left him years ago.

2 *years* ?  2 FULL YEARS?!!! of lying and betrayal and deceit and and and....

1) why did he suddenly decide to tell you now? sorry, but i smell a rat.

2) i dont think its possible for a leopard to change their spots that much. i believe someone who respected you (or your kids) one iota could not treat you that badly for SO long

3) please be very clear... YOU would not be the person making them a statistic. he chose your/their future.

i fully believe everyone has the right to live their lives in peace and happiness - you are young and beautiful and you deserve to choose that for yourself no matter how badly he behaved

 

tell me this: you buy a car. the car breaks down every day for 2 years. would you keep the car? because maybe the car wont break down any more?

i say move on now. you and your children deserve a good man who will treat you like the precious people you are.

(((hugs)))

Listen to your gut.  Skunks don't change their stripes, and the man is a skunk.

Do you really think the trust ever really comes back?  What will you be thinking when you are apart because of business trips or what is going on behind your back while one of you are at work?

I went through this. 

It took a long time to even begin to trust, and then THAT trust was broken.

Listen to your gut, it never lies.  Good luck!

i am sorry that you are going through this but do you think you will ever trust him again? its hard to trust once that trust is broken..i know that you dont want your kids to be a statistic but you have to be happy too.. how old are your kids?

cherbear

I'd want to know why now to come clean? Is he trying to work on things and that i why? Relationships I'm finding are  harder and harder to make work.