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Not sure what to do but need to figure it out fast before anyone gets more hurt

Me and my wife have been married for two years now and its just rolling down hill. Here recently I just couldnt take it anymore and left for a couple of days. Came back cause of some legal trouble I had got into and made me realize some things. We were trying to work things out for a few weeks and things were going surprisingly well. Then she left to go to her friends house to get some stuff for a couple of days and come back. Then she came back and things are falling apart again.

The thing is that majority of this problem comes from me now but orignated from her. Back when we first got married she got pregnant. During that time I would go out with my buddies and she would always get majorly pissed off with me. Now that I look back on it its prolly because she was pregnant and feeling insecure and may not have been the right thing for me to do at that time but I did it. Ever since then I have felt like inorder for me to do anything I have to lie to her in order to go out and do anything and have gotten so wrapped up in the lies that thats all I can do anymore if i do anything.

One of my other problems is that I have an issue with remainly faithful to her. It seems I have to get the attention from other women and I have tried to change multiple times but after awhile I always just fall back into my same old ways with talking to other women.

In the long wrong I have realized that I am not going to change. I started doing counseling and that isnt helping to much and were planning to do marriage counseling to just to see were things go. but i do not foresee myself changing and I think she deserves better then this and keeping this type of lifestyle around my daughter is horrible to and I dont want to do that to my family and think we would be much better off apart. Please let me know what you think of this situation as soon as you can I need advice asap!
by gus2009   2 Posts
Posted on 6/26/2009 4:06 PM
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Comments for "divorce360.com | Not sure what to do but need to figure it out fast before anyone gets more hurt"  (4) (You must be logged in to answer)
I think LIP is on the money. Personally, I think that you should do the right thing for your family and get counseling, be selfless, honor your vows and CHANGE for the better. But, its easier said than done. That said, I give you alot of credit for owning up to yourself and being honest about the fact that you cant change - or wont. Now, tell her that. You need to have a sit down with her and let her know what kind of life she will have with you. Be honest. Bring this up in therapy and make it clear. Read her this post. Read to her our responses.  If I were her, I would leave you and I would take my daughter and let you visit her, but thats it. Especially due to the criminal hx. Your behavior speaks volumes and I dont think your bad habits will change. Staying married sounds like unhealthy, a lifetime of hurt and betrayal. But, that is a decision that she has to make.
by AnaBella72   193 Posts
Posted on 6/28/2009 1:11 PM
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yeah I hear that and I dont want to hurt her anymore but its like when I get around her I just draw a blank and its difficult for me to say whats really on my mind cause I dont want to hurt her but I always end up doing so in the long wrong even worse then what I would've if I just told her the truth in the first place. anyways thanks for the opinions and I agree with them both. I just need to do it and I dont know how to go about doing it :/
by gus2009   2 Posts
Posted on 6/27/2009 8:15 AM
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Well said LIP. I have been on the other end of that and it is not a place anyone deserves to be. It is terrible. Let her go, it sounds like she deserves better. From your post you don't seem like a family-oriented guy and that is the kind of man your wife needs. Selfish people don't work well in a family setting.
by Rozzy702   105 Posts
Posted on 6/26/2009 5:12 PM
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Hmm...sounds like you want your cake and eat it too.

In my opinion, I don't think anyone deserves to be with a liar, a cheater, a non-law abiding person.

You probably look at these other women as "extra-curricular" activities, fun, non-emotional.  You probably look at your wife and dauther as your "foundation".  Can't have both (unless you and your wife have an open marriage, which does not seem to be the case, since you have to lie to go out).

You don't seem ready for marriage in my opinion, may be best to let your wife go so she can have a life she deserves. 

 

You seem to already have your mind made up anyway judging by your lack of interest in counseling.

 

Please don't make her a distrustful person for the future.  No one deserves to be lied to, it really hurts.
by lifeinpurgatory   1777 Posts
Posted on 6/26/2009 4:22 PM
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