divorce360.com provides help, advice and community for people
contemplating, going through or recovering from divorce and the issues around it,
including separation, divorce laws, spousal support and emotional issues.

Community  :: Should I Stay or Should I Go  :: Advice  :: Emergencies

Details

Read more posts in group: Should I Stay or Should I Go

 Tags
ADVERTISING PARTNERS

Emotional Abuse

Hi there

For many years I have stood by a man who was charged for attempted murder on a family member, who was/and can be still into cocaine for many years. Who went to treatment several times..with no good results. I am fed up ..I have tryed to communicate with this person to no avail, however he contuines to block me out. He just recently started a business and tell me that  I have no business knowing anything and further more I should not call his shop!! The only time he should hear from me is if I am hurt...he thinks I call him to much and ask to many questions.. I call it small talk he calls it ...too many questions. I know we are at the end of our rope..but someone needs to make the first move. He is a runner and has ran away when things got heated ..he is very nice to ppl around him..and gets along with everyone..and everyone seems to enjoy his company! But I am feel I am being minipulated ..he points out all my wrongs and never looks at himself. He shows no emotion when we fight and states very clearly that its over that he would have no problem moving on..he said he is the type of person that could wash someone out of his like and not give 2 sh*&^..he is controlling ..I never had anxiety until I met him !! I feel like I dont even know who I am anymore because he took me and tore me apart and made me feel like I have all the issues ..and he has none..hence I dont even know where i belong anymore or who I am ..he is defining me..I am not able to express or speak or call during the day to say Hi etc...he is a total bully..but on the flipside if he gets what he wants he can be very charming and carrying but i am started to think this is all an act.. I just know what to do..I am independt inregards to money etc , however I am dependent on him for..my needs . I have taken all the words and comments and tryed so hard to change the things he wants me to work on..but then something else comes up that he defines in me and then its another issue that he wants me to work on..I am so tired of self reflection ..and hate that he is question where i am at today..when i know i am a damn good person..despite what I think he is trying to do..and thats break me....sorry venting

What the hell do I do..throw him out ...for the 100 time ..then again I neve threw him out he always left on his own then I begged him to come back...but i dont want to contuine this cycle I want to make positive steps ...
by jona   6 Posts
Posted on 6/8/2009 1:54 PM
Get AlertsGet Alerts!
Sent to Friendsend to friend
0


Comments for "divorce360.com | Emotional Abuse "  (6) (You must be logged in to answer)
i am in the same boat as you are in.  My husband leaves everytime we get in a fight.  He takes off for days, I don't hear from him or know where he is.  After 3 days, he comes back and says he is sorry.  He wants to work on our marriage.  I try to suggest marriage counseling, reading and doing somethings that I found on the internet or anything.  He says he will do it but then he never does.  Everything will be fine for a day or 2 until I want to do something, then it is a huge fight and then he leaves.  I finally had enough and told him to leave.  We have 2 kids and it is not fair to them to have a father that comes and goes whenever he wants.  I am looking into divorce even though I have no money for a lawyer. Just be strong.
by hon_21_98   1 Post
Posted on 8/27/2009 12:10 AM
0



Jona -  I am a relationship counselor.  (I know it says I am a financial expert on D360 - it's a glitch, they're working on it.) 
I work with people who have suffered relationship trauma every day.  I want you to read the article I am attaching to this post immediately.  It is written by a noted psychologist who specializes in emotional and physical forms of domestic violence.   http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/200812/emotional-abuse-verbal-abuse-very-early-warning-signs   Please read my story on D360.  I know all to well what you are going through.  Please get help.   If you are interested, I am willing to work with you.  You can find me on my blog at  http://holistic-counselor.blogspot.com/. 

Good luck.
Best -   Lisa
by Lisa Cannon   
Posted on 6/13/2009 2:41 AM
0



What's wrong with this sentence:

"I have stood by a man who was charged for attempted murder on a family member, who was/and can be still into cocaine for many years."

Anyone?
by HurtInColorado   1139 Posts
Posted on 6/8/2009 4:35 PM
0



I almost could tell you what a day with him is like. Very draining, he will give you anything if you jump through his hoops. He has groomed you and defined who and what you will be even it is a lie to others. He is a charmer to the outside world and when he speaks of himself it is sometimes a lie. Something that will make him seem more powerful...better than. You can't truly be part of his work because you have no clue what he has told. My STBex told he golfed St. Andrews and it was easy for him. We live in a huge home. For my STBex, I am not saying yours, there was always other women always. 
I would dream about leaving but was so afraid my life and world was defined by him. I had no clue as to who I was. I began to shut down I could give no more.
Finally this last affair I said enough. Even though I left this has been the most painful thing in my life. I had no clue what to do.
You hear if you have a hobby pour yourself into it. I had no clue what I liked. I was isolated from friends and family.
I am like behaw I don't advocate divorce.
May I suggest you get yourself into counseling not to fix yourself for him but to help guide you through whatever you decide to do.
Please don't do what I did for years go to counseling to try to fix me for him. Fix yourself for you.
((((((Hugs)))))
by sjg   1772 Posts
Posted on 6/8/2009 2:30 PM
0



I never left him ..he left me..I think he out doing drugs but relationships I am not aware of...and yes i always take him back..but then i find myself questioning what I do wrong because everytime he leaves its because of me...and my faults ..I am looking at asking him to leave within 48hrs I am fed up and derserve better he is driving me nuts with all this self doubt about myself...
by jona   6 Posts
Posted on 6/8/2009 2:15 PM
0



I hate to advocate divorce.  But it does sound like you are not in a healthy relationship. Your partner shouldn't be defining who you are but encouraging you to grow as a person, not shape you to some inner vision that he has. He's left many times and you always take him back...where does he go when he leaves? What does he do? Is he having other relationships and when he's tired of them he comes back to you because you are always there for him to come back to?
   You want to break the cycle and that is good. The hardest part for you is in taking the first step toward doing that. That may mean divorce but have you considered other options such as marriage counseling?
by BEHaws   657 Posts
Posted on 6/8/2009 2:06 PM
0





Divorce360.com is not a substitute for advice from a lawyer, accountant, financial planner, therapist or other professional to obtain advice. Divorce360.com is not intended to, and should not, take the place of professional advice. The opinions expressed in the divorce360.com message boards are those of the author and the author alone. Divorce360.com does not endorse any specific product or service.

 
expand information center
divorce360.com's ecards
divorce focused content ::
divorce most popular ::
1. When Is a Marriage Worth Saving?
10 Things to Think About When Considering Whether to Stick with a Relationship

2. 8 Things No One Ever Tells You about Divorce
Number Three May Surprise You

3. Divorcing? 15 Costly Financial Mistakes
Settlements: 15 Critical Financial Mistakes Often Made in the Heat of Divorce

4. Beginning Checklist: Planning to File for Divorce
12 Steps to Consider if You or Your Partner Have Decided to File for Divorce

5. Are You Ready For Divorce?
Three Key Questions You Must Ask Yourself