Recording device

V, you're a fabulous woman who deserves respect. I am so sorry that HIC is so awful to you. All of us see him as being the rotten one and we care for and appreciate you. You have done nothing wrong. You have handled your divorce and subsequent dating with dignity and grace.

SOmeone needs to block HIC. He's causing so much trouble and all of us already have more than enough.

I wanted to know. It was worthwhile to me. I wanted the truth. It has helped me move on knowing that he did lie and cheat. I no longer have any false hope of reconcilliation. 

It's not your place to tell me what to do, HIC.

ok I have to comment here . For 1 Hic you really need to get a life dude. vlady it does not matter who you date how many or if you enjoyed the company. For 1 it's nobodys business and if I been around I would have made 10 with my different diguises I have. (kidding) let me say this there is jelousy in the meaning to someones remarks. but  purgy is right you don't have to explain your self to any one here or at home hmmmmm I would call that grown up right. Now I do see somthing and got to hand it hic for a sweet discovery here. you latina eyes light up like little moons reflecting  from the water when you get mad hmmmmmmm. so little one enjoy your peace and don't let some one that is miserable  make you that way because of some words. Hell I like ya if that counts.

BL,

So she catches him in the act...so what? If it's a 'No Fault' state, the Court doesn't care.  You can be sleeping with six different men and the Court doesn't care.  Are there children involved?  You spent almost six thousand dollars to prove what you already felt in your heart.  Couldn't that money be better spent elsewhere? If she suspects him of cheating, then he probably is or it has something to do with jealousy which is internal to begin with.

Closure doesn't come from others, it comes from within ourselves.

I am so sorry. If you think he's cheating, he probably is. I know a PI is a good way to go. I hired one. Do you have $3,000 to $5,000 to spend to start? It goes up from there. If not, that's good legal advice but not terribly practical.

I hired a PI and spent $5,500. He was good and caught them on the third day.

Getting an itemized cell phone bill is good. My x called her from work. Cell phone bill was useless.

I have a friend who borrowed a car and sat outside of the suspected OM's house. He caught her coming out of the garage in her car. He followed her to their home. I don't think there's a law against watching someone's house, but there might be. Maybe you could borrow a friend's car and watch him leaving work at lunch.

What about your credit card bills? Does he have any credit cards in his own name? Mine did. In my state you can get credit reports legally on your spouse.  It's legal since you are legally liable for his bills as well as your own as long as you're married.

If you do record the conversations, keep in mind what Spaz said. It's sometimes illegal. In this light Dman put himself at great risk since not only did he record the conversation, he told her about it. That way she knew he committed a felony. Had they gone to court this would have gotten him in a lot of trouble.

Remember that when you divorce, the one you loved most in the world is about to become your most bitter enemy.

Ignore HIC. He has his own problems. When he started on here he wasn't nearly as bad as this. He's kind of lost it. His vituperations have driven a lot of people from what was a place of healing. You can click on the red flag on his posts to report him.

Truth, I thought of doing the same thing but it was the cell phone bill that sealed it for me. I had no idea until that horrible evening when i finally saw hundreds of phone calls and text messages to the same number. I called the number and that's how i found out. The PI route is a way to go and if you are in an "other than no fault state" legal proof will work to your benefit. Good luck.

P.S. Why are folks being so ugly on here? It's a shame.

hic, we all now know why your stbx wanted to get rid of you!!!! good for her.

wow hic you are a real jack ass!!!

Wow, this train of comments deteriorated quickly.  HIC, why are you being such a jerk? 

V - you don't deserve that from anyone.  My stbx is a native Coloradoan, I wonder if there's a pattern here : )

Truth - I understand what you want to do, but I think getting the bill is the way to start.  If you suspect, you pretty much might want to trust your intuition.

Hang in there.

Ha Ha Ha.

Vlady - You don't need to explain yourself to no one. 

If you dated 20 guys and screwed them that would still be your business.

He tries to push your buttons so that he can sit back and j*ck-off reading all the blogs that are about him.  :-)

No they are not. He thinks he can bully and be mean no one has their breaking point, well I finally reached it tonight. The hell with his drama and me understanding and crap like that.

Go to hell HIC.  Yes, I dated 6 guys....just to make sure I  did NOT meet some jerk like you.  Never said slept idiot....dated...coffee here, coffee there......not like your gutter brain....

Are any comments on this site monitored?  HIC, your comments, especially with ladies present are really uncalled for.

HIC, I have had a long week. My kids leave for 30 days tomorrow.  Here is he deal..

FUCK Off. I am no mood for your nuttiness tonight.

And guess what Felix the Idiot Cat, I would NEVER entertain anyone like you.....

Hey Welchkt - Aren't you only on this site trying to sell your book anyway?? 

Preying on people trying to save their marriage and telling them it's 100% guaranteed? 

Who's the sick one? 

I thought this was a solicitation free site.

VLady..at least I don't circle jerk with six guys at the same time.

Or at least, not since college.

Spaz is right....don't listen to HIC....he is one sick puppy. 

You are mean HIC.

Here's an idea: Why don't you take the recorder, cram it up your ass, and make a nice demo tape of your bowel movements?  Might come more in handy as an accurate representation of your motivations for tape recording conversations which really no longer have relevance.

Just like a past bowel movement.  :-)

i think your sick. get a life and lose the relationship if you need to spy on your mate.

I agree with Spaz at least in dealing with the letter of the law, however in my case I felt my "need to know" out weighed the risk. I felt my life was out of control and falling apart. I needed to do something so I purchased a small digital recorder from Radio Shack for about $60.  It is voice activated and is about the size of a pack of gum. I hid it in my wife's car. It recorded the whole time the car was moving, picking up road noise and the car radio. However I did not hear her speaking on her cell phone in the car. I also used it at my house when I was at work and my wife was at home. Bingo! That is how I found out the definite proof of her affair.  I then confronted her and let her listen to the recording from the computer. (All of the recodings can be uploaded to the computer and with the right sofware you can "rip"  out the sound bites you want and put them in a smaller file.)  I'm glad I bought the recorder because when my wife heard the recording she became humbled and ashamed of her activity.  Since then we have been on the road to building a better marriage.  For me it worked out for the good. I can't say that for everyone. You will have to make your own decision.

In most states, recording of any conversation of which you are not a party to and when someone has a reasonable expectation of privacy (like their car) is a felony.

Hire a PI, go the legal route to get the information you want, don't let emotions cause stupid acts. It will come back to bite you.

Can't you just sign up for a detailed cell bill for the phone? It would have recorded dates and times - mine even shows where the call was made from. That is how I found out about my bf's new gf...

You don't get closure from another person.  If the trust is gone....then the relationship is already gone.

Check your local state laws. What you want to do may be illegal. You would do better to have a PI follow him for a few days if you are planning on a divorce. If you are in a no fault state I wouldn't even go to that expense unless it will help with a settlement.

You can get a reasonable voice activated recording device for around $120 at Staples. It does not help to get the cheaper one's as they do not work as well. Also make sure to read the instructions fully before deploying it. Somethiong else that works well is a GPS tracking device. Helped me catch my ex especially with them spending lunches together as well as going to hotels.