She wants me to give up full legal custody to save our marriage in Indiana!!! Help Me, please.

I believe ultimately and most miraculously that something marvelous has happened in my life, Belief in Christ and humility works. Not only did she stop her request, she has begun to see a different light. I am different. I stopped reacting this weekend and started being her husband and his father regardless of the any of my desires and worries about what was going on legally. I went to an AA meeting for companionship and support, completely lost it and I called her and told that I was rock bottom with all of our problems and my part in all of this. I spent Sunday at church with her, her mother, & yes, our beautiful little boy and by today we are talking about a future. I am so very thankful for the people God has put in my life. I am thankful for all of you and your posts. I am following the old phrase, "Let go, Let God". I have simply let go of trying to get her to do what I want her to do. There has been a wonderfully positive beginning that has shown me that miracles can happen. I believe that with continued support from Christ and work we will be able to save our marriage. My AA is not alcohol, it's among many, many apects of it, self centeredness and a lack of humility and belief in a higher power. I quit partying years ago, but I still have the personal tendancies of an alcoholic. I do not have any control over any of her decisions, but I do have the support of God, AA, and it seems that my wife is back on our side too. I thank all of you so much. FYI Faith, when no one else believes, that's faith. You were all right to tell me not to give up my son. I do not honestly believe that in the end I could have signed the order and possibly losing him forever. She has been in a panic mode and freaking out trying to secure a future. I've been doing the same. If you do, pray for us, unyielding faith in God's love is liberating and awsome. I am a new Christian, I am seeing for the time since I was seventeen, i am now thirty nine. Believe in more, fear less. stay tuned..

How sad she would try to take away your child from you.
So cold!

Wow!!!

Don't even consider signing away your rights to your own child.  The chances of you ever getting that reversed are very slim, unless she does something to show she is unfit.  Maybe you should both try individual therapy and possibly marriage counseling too.

Nothing good can come of you giving up your rights to your child.  She is using this child to get you to do what she wants.  If she really had plans to work things out with you, why would she even care about getting full custody?  If she is trying to get full custody, that tells me she is already gone.  If she has full custody, her child support goes up, too. 

Just a few things to keep in mind...

Good luck to you.

Your marriage is already over - she is just trying to screw you over.

She has no interest in saving your marriage - no person who is intent on making something work, gives hardline ultimatums like that. She knows what buttons to push on you and is apparently doing a damn god job of it.

Do you know why in family court custody/visitation is seperate and apart from the divorce proceeding? Because it has NOTHING to do with how you two are (or rather were) as a couple. Being a parent and being a spouse are two whole and seperate issues...do not forget that and do not allow her to even try to comingle the two.

Evryone has told you not to do it. Spaz is a family law atty. You can't get better advice than hers. But I will give you an out. She changed the terms so you don't have to honor it.

It doesn't matter if she calls you a liar. She changed the terms and you are not interested in that agreement anymore. That is what you tell her. She is controlling you through your son. That is not right. You alone can't hold your marriage together and to agree to this is so wrong. You are probably going to end up divorced and without your son.

You need to think long and hard about this. Tell her no and give her some space. She may calm down anyway.

If I do not do this my marriage is over instantly. All cooperation will cease, and I will be labeled by her as a liar since I brought up the intial idea even though she changed it to 6 years. I am trying to find an answer to all of this. I do not want to give up his life soley to her. I am just trying to save his(my son's)/our family. Yes, I am desperate for her to calm down and be resaonable.

sounds like a ploy.

Bro,
DON'T DO IT !!  she might change her mind. I know my X did. I'm sure you want to save your marriage i know i did. but this is not the way to do it..  If you do not have an atty yet get one pronto and file for temporary visitation rights.

Let me explain something to you - if you sign away your rights, there is no changing it - it will be a permanent and irreversable thing. 6 months or 6 years - doesn't matter. Once you put custody into the courts something MAJOR has to change to get it reversed.

HOWEVER - her saying that she will work on the marriage, isn't something she has to be bound to. She can change her mind at any point and then where will you be left? No wife and no child....and I get the feeling that is ultimately what she is looking for.

If she truly wants this marriage, she wouldn't use your child as a pawn in anything - she would be working on it out of love for you and that should be all the motivation needed.

She has NO RIGHT to put the child in the middle of your adult issues. She has NO RIGHT as a parent to manipulate you using your love for your child. She has NO RIGHT to dangle your child in front of you like a carrot to get to the finish line.

As a family law attorney, I'm advising you to not agree to this rediculous request of hers. She either makes the marriage work, without strings, or it isn't worth saving.

I would never in a million years sign away my child....that is your child too. She might be playing a game with you and then after you sign, she will not fulfill her end. ....  oh please, don't let this happen to you. I think that she is using your child and this is just wrong....sorry, but that is just my opinion. Children should not be used for making deals, especially if she doesn't go through with her end of it....and if you sign, you may always regret it. Maybe you are thinking or contemplating this because you desperately want things to work, but surely there has to be another way. Please stop and think things through before you do anything such as this. There just has to be another way

I've already begun therapy that is.....come on folks I, am here, and I am pleading for your continued feedback.

I have already begun. I guess the problem for me is this. If i say no, then she will shut down the marriage altogehter she will say that I said i would do this to prove my love for our family and now I am changing my mind. She will be saying that I am untrustworthy because i cannot commit to this which I have said. We have always been staightforward with each other. until the last month. it has been like a chess game. I am trying stop all of the games and move into the right direction. I just don't know if I can agree to 6 years. In my heart that's pretty much a total deal breaker for me. But i want our marriage to work, and I believe it can. This all started in December according to both of us. Help, me God i dont know what to do here.

DON'T SIGN !! DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS.  It seems that you are regretting your past action for your behavior. I would suggest that you enroll yourself in some type of therapy (anger management) due to your behavior.  by doing this you are showing her you want to change and at the same time you are willing to work on your relationship..

I offered a year. She is saying that she will only do this if I commit to a legal agreement  for 6 years of her having full legal custody. Essentially no court will ever grant my rights again if we are unable to suceed in repairing our marriage. Yes, 6 years causes me doubt.  I have faith in myself to do what I am saying but I have no control over anyone else. So what if I do everything I say and she says ....na , not there anymore. I found a job in Timbuktu and I am leaving with our son. That gives me serious pause about doing this with her as a six year agreement. She insist that it must be six years to stop the divorce for a year. Mind you tha she is currently living at her mother's too. She has been there for 41 days.

so you offered to sign away custody to prove your willingness to work on the marriage and now you're having doubts?

just want to make sure i understand...

I know what it means. I am not sure I cna do this. I would never ask her to do this. I would never even consider asking. But I offered it to her to prove my love and devotion to our family. What would you say to her? Reverse the blog for a moment and tell me what you would sat to her if her husband offered everything , layed himself out there as naked as a jaybird to try and save the family, and the marriage.

She is a good hearted woman with some control issues. I am a good man with some pain management issues and passive aggressive behaivors. I am looking for strength in christ I am talking to my friends who all think I am crazy. I have those tendencies of self involement, self righteousness, and not living in service to others. I ahven't been a very good husband the past few months truthfully. We were at the door of bankruptcy and we may have turned that ship around. That has amplified everything too.

I agree with Paula, do not sign away custody. You never know what could happen and if yall dont work out then you have already signed away your custody. Protect yourself and your relationship with your child...do not sign him away.

Ive never been in this situation but in my opinion custody just isnt something to bet with....

No...it has beena good relationship for the most part. She and I are both very emotional right now. She has told me that she is done, until I put this on the table as way to prove to her my commitment to work on my personl demons.

Never...ever...sign your child away!  Wake up and smell the scam, my friend.  I know you want your marriage to work...she knows that...and is going to use that against you.

Be smart.

ok. there is quite a bit going on here.  but no, i wouldn't sign away my child ever, let alone under this intense and combative situation.

parents do not barter with their children.  and that is what she is doing right now.

you two need to settle down and get your bearings here.  first you need to stop bringing your child into this fight.  then you need to stop fighting....even if that means stop talking/seeing one another. 

then you need to figure out what you both really want.  do you love one another? do you want to stay married?

this sounds like a very destructive marriage right now.  has it always been this way?