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my ex wont let me move on

my ex keeps making me feel like im doing something wrong by moving on , he wont let me go out , he always tells me that hell take my daughter away from me. i cant take it anymore i just want to be happy , he's moved on and has a new baby why wont he let me move on and what can i do abouyt it?

by wantintomoveon   3 Posts
Posted on 11/8/2008 10:40 PM

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Comments for "divorce360.com | my ex wont let me move on"  (12) (You must be logged in to answer)

my lawyers frist words to me...
"whatever you do DO NOT believe anything your stbx tells you"

I was in a controlling relationship and found I just had to believe in myself.  Personally because of the current temporary custody orders I have a hard time going out (I have the kids every weekend) and I dont want to miss time with them.

I know too that when the time comes I will not be staying local - the world is large and I will avoid the local gossip circles.

just dont bring anyone into the kids life now.  keep it seperate. 



by mumof3kidz   37 Posts
Posted on 1/16/2009 5:00 AM

So I'm not the only one... Sad because I know what it is like, and I wouldn't wish that control and fear on anyone.

For people who don't have experience with assholes like this, they don't understand that it is so difficult to maneuver out from under that control.

For me, if I don't answer his calls he either says he won't let me see the kids, will cause problems with the guy I am seeing, ect. And when he says something, he means it.

He has drastically hurt my moving on... I have a very understanding guy in my life, but my STBX has confronted him at a gun range, been to his house, called him looking for me in the middle of the night, and even made a complaint against him with the company he works for!!!! Putting my foot down can hurt more than just me.

Moving on isn't easy when the ex can't seem to let go and is used to running the show...
by missred   3 Posts
Posted on 12/11/2008 9:22 PM

Thank god someone knows where im coming from. if you want you can email me at yahoo on xxxtls5 maybe  we can help each other through this
by wantintomoveon   3 Posts
Posted on 11/21/2008 2:39 PM

Ok... I am new here and new to the conversation but I know what you mean about he wont LET you go out... I sort of give my ex the control as well...I think maybe he scares me
by Supabonbon   1 Post
Posted on 11/21/2008 2:06 PM

My ex is just like this,don't listen to him he is just doing it cuz he knows it gets u upset,I know it's hard but trust me act like u don't care,he can't talk 2 u like that,don't let him,remember sticks & stones,it sounds like he is just mad cuz u have a life,of course he doesn't do it in front of anyone else they would tell him he is acting like a jack ass,u got a divorce for a reason remember that now it's his new girlfriends problem
by snuglebuny1978   21 Posts
Posted on 11/16/2008 10:33 PM

I read this and I think- "won't LET you?"  If he is no lonbger your husband, he has no control over you.  He is just trying to use the kids to keep you under his thumb.  I don't think he has a legal leg to stand on.
by Dactyl   5834 Posts
Posted on 11/14/2008 11:13 PM

I read this and I think- "won't LET you?"  If he is no lonbger your husband, he has no control over you.  He is just trying to use the kids to keep you under his thumb.  I don't think he has a legal leg to stand on.
by Dactyl   5834 Posts
Posted on 11/14/2008 11:12 PM

I agree with Spaz and BlueB. Please keep reading their responses over and over and let it sink in. Especially about the PPO they call it TPO where I am.
If he has cheated 21 or more times, it seems he has always wanted his cake and eat it to. You are not his puppet, you are not his cake, You are wonderfully you and deserve to have a life away from this type of abuse and control over your life.
It sounds like he is using the kids as his pawns to keep control over you as he continues living his life.
Please take control over your own life. This is going to be a struggle and battle when he finds he is finally losing you all together. You are divorced. This is your chance to live a life you've always wanted. When you start taking the steps to become strong for you = this will benefit your children.
Call the police - they are there to help.
Stand up for you - you are worth it...
Don't give up. He no longer has control over you.
Don't give up. He no longer has control over you.
Take back your life. Build a life you never had with him.
He will continue doing what you are allowing him to do. You can stop the madness. It might get worse before it gets better but you already made the 1st steps with the divorce. Now make these steps for you. It will benefit the kids too. I can't express that enough...
by lgoodgal   1038 Posts
Posted on 11/9/2008 6:35 PM

don't you have a visitation agreement in place? Go out when he has the child....that way you aren't "pawning the child off"..

sounds as if he is unhappy with his girlfriend and still wants you - as if he isn't over you but knows he can't have you...


you don't have to tell him anything about your life, you are not his wife anymore - remind him of that.

by spaznskitz   11339 Posts
Posted on 11/9/2008 6:06 PM

It's simple...don't tell him when you go out.  In fact, take Spaz's advice and don't talk to him.  Do you have caller ID?  If you do, and you know he's calling to talk to your child, you hand the phone right to the child and don't talk to him.  If you do have to talk to him, and he starts yelling, you tell him, politely, that if he doesn't stop yelling you're hanging up on him.  If he continues to yell, hang up on him.  If he calls back, don't answer the phone.  If he comes over and starts banging on the door and yelling, you call the police and have him escorted off the property...then go and file for a personal protection order (PPO).  If it escalates even further, then you do the child swap at your local police station...I guarantee that he'll be polite in the lobby of the police station...and if for some reason he's a completely brain dead moron and does act up, they'll tell him to leave or arrest him for disorderly conduct.

Controlling assholes like your ex get really pissy when the people under their control start taking it back.  It will get a bit worse before it gets better, but eventually he'll learn...even if it takes a couple of times in county lock up, he'll learn.  Take control of your life back from him first...then you can move on.  I wish you luck!!!
by BlueB   3218 Posts
Posted on 11/9/2008 8:39 AM

everytime I trie to go out or have friends over he yells at me saying that I pawn my kids off to who ever just to go out and have sex. I havent been out in the 2 years i have been alone . i have to hide everything i do . im tired of it. if i make him stop calling or dont anwser the phone he says im keeping my daughter away from him or he yells at me to tell him where i was. he only does this when no one is around, he doesnt do this in front of his friends or girlfriend.
by wantintomoveon   3 Posts
Posted on 11/9/2008 8:11 AM

how about you stop talking to him?

he can't take your child just because you end up having a social life provided you are responsible about it.

how is it he won't "let" you go out? You don't live with him, why do you even listen to a word he says?

by spaznskitz   11339 Posts
Posted on 11/9/2008 1:14 AM

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