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Daugher almost died thursday.

My stbx refused to leave our family home so I had to go. My twin sons I took they are 13. But my 18yr old daughter refused to go b/c she was attached to her room and her friends lived nearby. I allowed her the choice and spoke w/ or took her out as much as she wanted. Her friends are crap even though I thought they were good. My daughter has been heavily drinking and smoking weed since I left. Thursday nite my ex woke up to find her laying on the floor w/ her face covered in vomit. God saved her. My stbx called me at 1am I rushed over and we held her while she spilled literally her guts. She said she doesn't know when to stop, and can't not drink if it is available. She said her friends older sister is the alchol supplier and another friend gets the weed. Both me and my stbx were devistated. He never stays up when she came in or checked her b4 she went to bed. Now I am a wreck, fearful, numb trying to make major decisions. I am planning to return to the house and live on the couch b/c I know my stbx will go back to not tending to her. I changed her curfew to 1130p and making her see a therapist so I can find out if this is an addiction. So anyone who has dealt w/ teenagers, turning to negetive outlets and dealing w/ a divorce, please share what you have done. I am still in shock and probably overreacting but no mom should ever see or hold their baby in the condition I did. She told me our split is killing her. I just can't live with that.

by Hopeful 15 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 11:27 AM

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Comments for "divorce360.com | Daugher almost died thursday." (7) (You must be logged in to answer)

First of all I am sorry. But Curfew moved to 11:30????OMG, She needs to NOT go out at all, not even at 7 pm.Her life needs a reality check. She needs to get away from those "friends", stripped of that "old" life she had. She needs treatment before something worse happens. At home drug tests could be an option, after the treatment plan you need to get A.S.A.P.It is your responsibility to get her on the right path. When she is 18.....you will have a big problem on your hands. DO IT NOW. She needs you to do these things for her. If you are home during the day, she should move in with you, you shouldn't move back in. That makes confusion for all. Look online for a treatment program and see what else you can find. Maybe through medical coverage you can find something too. Family therapy would be good too.You need to be tough and be her rock. Good luck to you.

by ec 176 Posts
Posted on 7/8/2008 3:54 AM

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She doesn't need you on the couch - she doesn't need a curfew. You on the couch while she is out still able to see her friends and party will result in the same thing - she will defy her curfew and while you are sitting there worrying on the couch she could pass out in her own vomit somewhere else.

She said when it is around she can't say no - what more do you need to know it is an addiction?

You want to do what is right? Get her into a long term - at least 6 week if not more - in house treatment program. Get her away from these so called friends, get her the therapy she so badly needs - and get her true help NOW...

your divorce is inevitable - you moving back home is only gong to confuse the situation that much more and on top of it, you don't need to be exposing the boys to her behavior.

by spaznskitz 7745 Posts
Posted on 7/8/2008 3:35 AM

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Oh..I am so sorry, that's horrible! I grew up with an alcoholic brother. He started heavy drinking in high school. He was still athletic and got fair grades, but was always "buzzed" It tortured me, as a big sister to watch him sufferring.

My mother was remarried and very focused on her own life(I think I am still angry) She went away every weekend with her husband while my bro was in high school, i was in college. Things would have been different if she was paying attention..at least to get him help and be supportive in understanding the disease. We started watching him get really bad when he was in college..it was almost too late.

Please keep doing what you're doing..be with her...she is crying for help. My brother said when he first took a drink at 14...it was the best feeling he ever had.....he knew even then.

my brother is now 6 years sober...he is 36.

good luck and keep your chin up! she's in good company and there is lots of great help and support out there!!

by 5babemom 366 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 2:56 PM

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I agree with Paula. She need to come first, get her into therapy ASAP. She needs to be your main concern right now

by asim 775 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 1:19 PM

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i agreewith mtnvly - i think this is a cry forhelp - a cry for your attention. give it to her!

my parents are divorced. It was really hard on all of us, I think we had been a pretty close family. I certainly acted out (not to this extent) but i drank underage and did stupid things. We got through it! My parentstried really hard, which overtime, I saw.

time heals all wounds....

by oct15 175 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 12:46 PM

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Look for spaznkitz. She is a family law attorney and can give you some legal advise .
I think your daughter needs to be gotten out of there. You asked if any of us had been in a situation like yours...well ..my parents weren't divorcing but I was your daughter. I drank and did drugs . I was a huge party animal.
I look back now and know that I was searching to be accepted. I was looking for "love in all the wrong places" . Your daughter needs your attention NOW> She needs to be told and shown that she is loved by you and your ex. She is in search of that as I was.
I know now that all I wanted was my dads acceptance and love.
It may be rough for a while , she may rebel as I did. Do not send her send from you as my parents did. Spend quality time with her. Love her ...talk to her and listen without being judgemental.
If you push too much though , you may drive her away. She needs to know that her behavior is not acceptable.But that no matter what she does you will love her unconditionally. BUT her behavior has to stop.
You may have to pull James Dobsons tough love book out and see some good advise. I know that it worked for me.
Again...love her....that is really what she wants. She thought the partying would cover up and fill the void that she feels but it will not. She needs you and her Dad...time...acceptance and love.

by mtnvly 3539 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 12:36 PM

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that is horrible. i'm so sorry this is happening to all of you. she needs your attention and help right now. i really think you two need to stop all talk about divorce while you focus on her. she needs to come first here.

by paula1 12664 Posts
Posted on 7/7/2008 11:30 AM

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Daugher almost died thursday.

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Daugher almost died thursday.

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