Found the love of my life....He is married! Help!!!

I need help and am running out of ideas. My story is very complex and will be impossible to get it all out in one email. I am asking that you don't pre-judge based on stereotypes and statistics, and I am asking this because I know that coming from me, and my place in the situation it will be hard not to. I have been in a relationship with a married man for 2 and a half years now. I have known him off and on my whole life and we were friends for a long time. He has been married for about 13 years and is miserable. He has 2 children and that is the only reason he is staying in this empty marriage. He has past issues with his dad leaving his mom, and does not want to have his 2 sons grow up with the resentment he had for his dad up until right before he died. His wife is equally unhappy, and I know this because before we began the affair, I had been around her a few times and heard from her own mouth how much she hates him, and even thinks she is a lesbian. Her own words and actions show that she only stays for the comfortable and stable lifestyle. She also talked about divorce until she found out some things about me and him and then suddenly became the victim, and now it seems like she only stays to keep him from ever being with me. She thinks our relationship ended last year, but it has not. We never meant to get ourselves in this situation and never meant to fall in love and end up in this situation for over 2 years. Things happened and love happened. He is not the "have the cake and eat it too kind of guy". He is miserable, but he feels like his duties and responsibilities are to be a MAN and stay for his kids. Also, he works for the law enforcement and has a reputation to uphold. After all this time, and stress, and hurt, I finally told him that we can't keep doing this and that something needs to happen one way or another. I can't picture my life without him and we both know that we are meant to be together and make each other happier than we have ever been. I hurt for myself and I hurt for him because we cry together on the phone every night. And now that I told him that I need an answer, things have just been hectic. He tells me that its not a matter of choosing, and its not a matter of who he loves. He already knows who he loves and wants to be with and its me. He says he wants a divorce but that he is so scared and has no idea where to even begin. They fight horribly and she is so mean and angry towards him, but to make him feel guilty, eventually ends up crying and playing the innocent victim. He can't turn to his friends or family for advice because this is a secret. He needs guidance and advice. He needs to realize that staying for the sake of children is not the right thing even though he feels it is. He basically seems to be asking for advice on where to begin and how to approach the divorce topic, and what steps to take as a man. There are many assets and a huge newly built house. The house is another guilt of his because his oldest son loves the house and he knows that they cant afford to keep it if separated. Please give me some advice for myself and him. I can't lose the love of my life, and he is becoming depressed and scared at the thought of losing me and regretting it for the rest of his life just because he is too scared of divorce. Please help..........We are desperate.