Jealous/Obsessive Husband

Thank you so much for responding to this.  I do work three jobs in fact, Full time Project Development Specialist, Part time Assessor, and Part time Figure Skating Coach.  I do not have time to do anything with anyone and quite honestly I am exhausted most days.  He isnt to the extreme of your husband but is very bad when he wants to be.  He threatened me the other day, stating that if he found there was anyone else, "I would regret it."  These words are not going to send me rushing into his arms, I wish he could see that, he pushes me away.  There are so many things that he has done to me with the jealousy it would take days to explain.  I have basically halted sexual relations with him by telling him I am not feeling well.  I am sure this adds to his frustration however I just cant bring myself to lay with this man.  Not after all of the nasty things he has said to me.  I want this divorce but I am afraid to initiate it.  I cant imagine it would be a surprise to him since things are worse than ever, we do not speak.  When we do it is mostly to communicate things for the kids.  We go nowhere together ever. I spend 8 hrs a day with the people I work with and things happen throughout the course of the day, and I cannot share these things with him because he twists things around wanting to know why this male colleague was in my office.  It really is terrible to come home and not be able to share your day with anyone.  I am lonely and depressed, I feel like the bad guy and I dont know why.  My mother stayed with my step dad for 23 yrs and after multiple affairs she finally divorced him.  Maybe I did keep myself in the same pattern I dont know but I do know that life is too short and things should be this way.  My kids should be seeing love between two people not distance.  Any suggestions on how to approach him with this?

No you should not feel guilty.
Part of the reason that you married this person is because of your childhood. Unless we realize it as adults, we tend to marry into the same type of relationship we grew up with. You are probably like me, a fixer and thought you could fix this person. I would bet your mom is the same way.
I was in a relatioship similar to yours my first marriage. I had 4 kids with me 24/7. I was a stay at home , homeschooling mom with no outside contacts but the church. I couldn't talk on the phone, go out with girlfriends. If someone turned around in my driveway he said the were checking to see if he was there. I was not allowed to work, even though we were poverty level. He was home for lunch every day. The only break I EVER got was when I went to the hospital to have another. I was told by many that he was probably having an affair. Typically when you accuse all the time, you are doing it yourself. You , like me, wouldn't have time even if you had the urge.
You don't deserve the way you are being treated. I don't think divorce is always the answer, maybe you should try seperating and counseling to see if things change. BUT if this is the route you take, give it ample time to STAY changed. People tend to change long enough to get what they want then fall right back into old habits. Maybe if you were to leave, it would shake him up.
In alcohlic type situations, we don't have to live that way either. James Dobsons tough love book will tell you so. Stand your ground. I know it is hard. I have been there. I really believe that had my husband not been killed then we would have ended up divorced. I , like you , was to the point of having enough. I didn't realize until he was gone exactly what he was doing to me.
Be warned though. I know how he would have been . It will not be easy for you. He will make it hard for you. It sounds as though they are similar.